Last night, I listened to the GOP convention on the radi-adi-o, and one thing (besides the bizarre performance on Clint Eastwood's part) struck me... the whole thing seemed to be a cack-handed attempt to recapture that St. Ronnie magic.
I have no doubt that Clint was primarily invited so he could utter the line "Go ahead, make my day", a line which Ronald Reagan employed on at least one occasion. Yeah, there was a long, bizarre prelude, but the crowd sure enjoyed shouting it as they fantasized about the bad things that would happen to the imaginary black man on the stage. Nice, Clint, just make sure that you insist you're not a racist because you're a jazz fan (the line play ethnicky jazz to parade your snazz on your five grand stereo comes to mind).
As far as Mitt's acceptance speech goes, it was Reagan revival redux all the way. We have Mitt talking about the threat of the now-retired Fidel Castro:
When every new wave of immigrants looked up and saw the Statue of Liberty, or knelt down and kissed the shores of freedom just ninety miles from Castro's tyranny, these new Americans surely had many questions. But none doubted that here in America they could build a better life, that in America their children would be more blessed than they.
Now, we have Mitt railing against the threat posed by Iran:
Every American was relieved the day President Obama gave the order, and Seal Team Six took out Osama bin Laden. But on another front, every American is less secure today because he has failed to slow Iran's nuclear threat. In his first TV interview as president, he said we should talk to Iran. We're still talking, and Iran's centrifuges are still spinning.
Now we have a two-fer, as Mitt cautions us about Cuba and Russia:
President Obama has thrown allies like Israel under the bus, even as he has relaxed sanctions on Castro's Cuba. He abandoned our friends in Poland by walking away from our missile defense commitments, but is eager to give Russia's President Putin the flexibility he desires, after the election. Under my administration, our friends will see more loyalty, and Mr. Putin will see a little less flexibility and more backbone.
In my mind's ear, I can hear Mittens saying, "Mr. Putin, tear down this Pussy Riot!" I'm odd that way.
To continue with this "80's nostalgia" theme, there was even an arcade in which a huge game of SuperPACman was going on. Yeah, it was eighties nostalgia night... if you squint really, really hard, Romney looks a little like the deified Reagan... and, like Reagan, we'll have a even bigger problem if we elect Romney:
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Lyin' Ryan
So many lies in one speech (Bette Noir has a good breakdown), even the Associated Press went so far as to characterize his statements as factually slippery. Uh, people, how hard is it to use the word "lie"? I mean, is it so difficult to use the most simple description of such mendacity? I know a lot of writers are paid by the word, but can't one use simple English in an article once in a while? Anyway, since last night's post was so long, and Bette's post is so good, I think I'll keep this one brief:
Consider the case of Paul Ryan,
When he moves his lips he is lyin'.
His icy-cold eyes
Are unfazed by lies.
He does it without even tryin'.
Oh, I just need to add that Tim Pawlenty sure served up some bloodless red meat to the convetion delegates. I mean, he should stick to his **SNERK** day job, because his delivery was pretty damn awful:
Comedy, it's not synonymous with "jokes".
Consider the case of Paul Ryan,
When he moves his lips he is lyin'.
His icy-cold eyes
Are unfazed by lies.
He does it without even tryin'.
Oh, I just need to add that Tim Pawlenty sure served up some bloodless red meat to the convetion delegates. I mean, he should stick to his **SNERK** day job, because his delivery was pretty damn awful:
Comedy, it's not synonymous with "jokes".
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love, Sugar!
I had to work the graveyard shift this morning, so I woke up last night just in time to hear the Hudson Harkonnen's speech. I figure that, having been on Chris Christie's capacious ass for a couple of years already, I had to cover his GOP convention speech. I will be cutting-and-pasting excerpts from a transcript of Christie's speech, and giving my annotations. This is going to be a wild ride in which I'll be going all over the place, so strap your hands 'cross my engines. Here goes nothing:
I am the son of an Irish father and a Sicilian mother.
I didn't know Christie was a paisan, but I kinda sorta suspected that he was. This would explain his Phony Soprano Joisy tough guy schtick. Christie is just what our country needs right now, he's America's cafone. O Marone, che schifo!
They both lived hard lives. Dad grew up in poverty. After returning from Army service, he worked at the Breyers Ice Cream plant in the 1950s. With that job and the G.I. bill he put himself through Rutgers University at night to become the first in his family to earn a college degree. Our first family picture was on his graduation day, with Mom beaming next to him, six months pregnant with me.
Mom also came from nothing. She was raised by a single mother who took three buses to get to work every day. And mom spent the time she was supposed to be a kid actually raising children – her two younger siblings. She was tough as nails and didn't suffer fools at all. The truth was she couldn't afford to. She spoke the truth – bluntly, directly and without much varnish.
One thing strikes me about this narrative, the fact that both of Christie's parents benefitted from government programs. His dad benefited from the G.I. Bill (which the current crop of Republicans, including the Sainted McCain, has been hostile to), and attended a public university. His mother's mother relied on public transportation to get to work, and would have benefited from equal pay provisions. I don't know if the ice cream plant that employed his father was a union shop, but I imagine that it probably was. So much for the "we built this", Randian model...
I was her son as I listened to "Darkness on the Edge of Town" with my high school friends on the Jersey Shore.
This is kinda weird to me, the song that he references is about penury and desperation. For all of Christie's unrequited crush on "The Boss", it's safe to say that Christie didn't learn a goddamn thing from a three minute record.
The greatest lesson Mom ever taught me, though, was this one: she told me there would be times in your life when you have to choose between being loved and being respected. She said to always pick being respected, that love without respect was always fleeting — but that respect could grow into real, lasting love.
Now, of course, she was talking about women.
But I have learned over time that it applies just as much to leadership. In fact, I think that advice applies to America today more than ever.
I believe we have become paralyzed by our desire to be loved.
Our Founding Fathers had the wisdom to know that social acceptance and popularity is fleeting and that this country's principles needed to be rooted in strengths greater than the passions and emotions of the times.
Thom Hartmann covered this pretty extensively today- Christie is basically paraphrasing beloved Founding Father Niccolò Machiavelli here.
Our leaders today have decided it is more important to be popular, to do what is easy and say "yes," rather than to say no when "no" is what's required.
In recent years, we as a country have too often chosen the same path.
It's been easy for our leaders to say not us, and not now, in taking on the tough issues. And we've stood silently by and let them get away with it.
But tonight, I say enough.
I say, together, let's make a much different choice. Tonight, we are speaking up for ourselves and stepping up.
We are beginning to do what is right and what is necessary to make our country great again.
We are demanding that our leaders stop tearing each other down, and work together to take action on the big things facing America.
Tonight, we choose respect over love.
I'm grateful that Christie isn't choosing love, because "Christie Love" conjures up images of him sporting an afro wig and a form-fitting "mod" getup, an image which would have all but the most self-hating, bear-loving Log Cabin Republicans running toward the exits, trying not to puke. As an aside, when I clicked on the "Log Cabin Republican" link at teh Wikiwakiwoo, I was redirected to "Homosexual Republican"... it seems that the American Family Association is messing with Wikipedia. Of course, while claiming not to be seeking love, Christie has pandered to the Tea Party from day one... he pretty much painted his prodigious ass purple and waved it in front of the knuckle-dragging Koch baboons. He's just not seeking your love, Joe and Jane Schmo.
We are the great grandchildren of men and women who broke their backs in the name of American ingenuity; the grandchildren of the Greatest Generation; the sons and daughters of immigrants; the brothers and sisters of everyday heroes; the neighbors of entrepreneurs and firefighters, teachers and farmers, veterans and factory workers and everyone in-between who shows up not just on the big days or the good days, but on the bad days and on the hard days.
Each and every day. All 365 of them.
We are the United States of America.
We are the great grandchildren of the men and women who were saved from destitution by the New Deal, and protected from rapacious bosses by unions. To honor them, Christie's going to sell out their legacy.
Now we must lead the way our citizens live. To lead as my mother insisted I live, not by avoiding truths, especially the hard ones, but by facing up to them and being the better for it.
This is why he's lying.
We cannot afford to do anything less.
I know because this was the challenge in New Jersey.
When I came into office, I could continue on the same path that led to wealth, jobs and people leaving the state or I could do the job the people elected me to do – to do the big things.
There were those who said it couldn't be done. The problems were too big, too politically charged, too broken to fix. But we were on a path we could no longer afford to follow.
Of course, he doesn't mention that New Jersey's unemployment rate is considerably higher than the national average. How's that Jersey Comeback going, guv?
They said it was impossible to cut taxes in a state where taxes were raised 115 times in eight years. That it was impossible to balance a budget at the same time, with an $11 billion deficit. Three years later, we have three balanced budgets with lower taxes.
We did it.
Christie basically shifted the tax burden from the wealthy to the middle and lower class, which is exactly what Ryan and Romney would do.
The disciples of yesterday's politics underestimated the will of the people. They assumed our people were selfish; that when told of the difficult problems, tough choices and complicated solutions, they would simply turn their backs, that they would decide it was every man for himself.
Instead, the people of New Jersey stepped up and shared in the sacrifice.
Of course, not everyone shared in the sacrifice...
I know this simple truth and I'm not afraid to say it: our ideas are right for America and their ideas have failed America.
Yeah, the liberal ideas which FDR promulgated failed America, and the post-Reagonomics conservative ideas have worked. Nice use of figures to prove your point, Christie.
Let's be clear with the American people tonight. Here's what we believe as Republicans and what they believe as Democrats.
We believe in telling hard working families the truth about our country's fiscal realities. Telling them what they already know – the math of federal spending doesn't add up.
With $5 trillion in debt added over the last four years, we have no other option but to make the hard choices, cut federal spending and fundamentally reduce the size of government.
They believe that the American people don't want to hear the truth about the extent of our fiscal difficulties and need to be coddled by big government.
They believe the American people are content to live the lie with them.
We believe in telling seniors the truth about our overburdened entitlements.
We know seniors not only want these programs to survive, but they just as badly want them secured for their grandchildren.
Seniors are not selfish.
They believe seniors will always put themselves ahead of their grandchildren. So they prey on their vulnerabilities and scare them with misinformation for the cynical purpose of winning the next election.
Their plan: whistle a happy tune while driving us off the fiscal cliff, as long as they are behind the wheel of power.
We believe that the majority of teachers in America know our system must be reformed to put students first so that America can compete.
Teachers don't teach to become rich or famous. They teach because they love children.
We believe that we should honor and reward the good ones while doing what's best for our nation's future – demanding accountability, higher standards and the best teacher in every classroom.
They believe the educational establishment will always put themselves ahead of children. That self-interest trumps common sense.
They believe in pitting unions against teachers, educators against parents, and lobbyists against children.
They believe in teacher's unions.
We believe in teachers.
We believe that if we tell the people the truth they will act bigger than the pettiness of Washington, D.C.
We believe it's possible to forge bipartisan compromise and stand up for conservative principles.
It's the power of our ideas, not of our rhetoric, that attracts people to our Party.
We win when we make it about what needs to be done; we lose when we play along with their game of scaring and dividing.
It's nice to be told what you believe- Chris Christie does a bang-up job telling the convention attendees what the liberal strawmen in his head believe. There's so much mendacity in this bit that it would take a long time to rebut it point-by-point. That being said, when Christie says "we win when we make it about what needs to be done", he doesn't mention that voter suppression is really what "needs to be done" for them to win. Also, when he says "we lose when we play along with their game of scaring and dividing", he's being disingenous or he's straight up lying (I just picked those two examples, there's a plethora of them).
After some platitudes, and (finally!) a mention of Mitt Romney, Christie continues:
There's only one thing missing now. Leadership. It takes leadership that you don't get from reading a poll.
You see, Mr. President – real leaders don't follow polls. Real leaders change polls.
That's what we need to do now.
Change polls through the power of our principles.
Change polls through the strength of our convictions.
This is an interesting "tell"... Christie talks about changing polls, but he doesn't mention that they are changing polls by using biased polling organizations. Silly Christie, this is the sort of things one should only discuss in quiet rooms.
I don't know about you, but I don't want my children and grandchildren to have to read in a history book what it was like to live in an American century.
I don't want their only inheritance to be an enormous government that has overtaxed, overspent and over-borrowed a great people into second-class citizenship.
I want them to live in a second American century.
A second American century of strong economic growth where those who are willing to work hard will have good paying jobs to support their families and reach their dreams.
A second American century where real American exceptionalism is not a political punch line, but is evident to everyone in the world just by watching the way our government conducts its business and everyday Americans live their lives.
A second American century where our military is strong, our values are sure, our work ethic is unmatched and our Constitution remains a model for anyone in the world struggling for liberty.
Let us choose a path that will be remembered for generations to come. Standing strong for freedom will make the next century as great an American century as the last one.
Wow, Christie's talking about a New American Century, and we all know how that went. If you want a new New American Century, I'll tell you what, send Mitt's sons to Iran or whatever the hell else front you want, let their thin, blue blood stain the sand for the cause of FREEDUMB! and Dick Cheney's stock portfolio.
This is the American way.
We have never been victims of destiny.
We have always been masters of our own.
I won't be part of the generation that fails that test and neither will you.
It's now time to stand up. There's no time left to waste.
If you're willing to stand up with me for America's future, I will stand up with you.
If you're willing to fight with me for Mitt Romney, I will fight with you.
If you're willing to hear the truth about the hard road ahead, and the rewards for America that truth will bear, I'm here to begin with you this new era of truth-telling.
Tonight, we choose the path that has always defined our nation's history.
Tonight, we finally and firmly answer the call that so many generations have had the courage to answer before us.
Tonight, we stand up for Mitt Romney as the next President of the United States.
And, together, we stand up once again for American greatness.
Man, he's laying it on thick now, he's calling on his audience to heed the call to have the courage to saunter into a booth to vote for a sociopathic socialite who likes to fire people who aren't willing to work for a pittance behind barbed wire fences. Now, that's a Profile in Courage if ever I saw one!
Cross posted on delay at Rumproast, because I didn't want to step on Bette Noir's current post.
I am the son of an Irish father and a Sicilian mother.
I didn't know Christie was a paisan, but I kinda sorta suspected that he was. This would explain his Phony Soprano Joisy tough guy schtick. Christie is just what our country needs right now, he's America's cafone. O Marone, che schifo!
They both lived hard lives. Dad grew up in poverty. After returning from Army service, he worked at the Breyers Ice Cream plant in the 1950s. With that job and the G.I. bill he put himself through Rutgers University at night to become the first in his family to earn a college degree. Our first family picture was on his graduation day, with Mom beaming next to him, six months pregnant with me.
Mom also came from nothing. She was raised by a single mother who took three buses to get to work every day. And mom spent the time she was supposed to be a kid actually raising children – her two younger siblings. She was tough as nails and didn't suffer fools at all. The truth was she couldn't afford to. She spoke the truth – bluntly, directly and without much varnish.
One thing strikes me about this narrative, the fact that both of Christie's parents benefitted from government programs. His dad benefited from the G.I. Bill (which the current crop of Republicans, including the Sainted McCain, has been hostile to), and attended a public university. His mother's mother relied on public transportation to get to work, and would have benefited from equal pay provisions. I don't know if the ice cream plant that employed his father was a union shop, but I imagine that it probably was. So much for the "we built this", Randian model...
I was her son as I listened to "Darkness on the Edge of Town" with my high school friends on the Jersey Shore.
This is kinda weird to me, the song that he references is about penury and desperation. For all of Christie's unrequited crush on "The Boss", it's safe to say that Christie didn't learn a goddamn thing from a three minute record.
The greatest lesson Mom ever taught me, though, was this one: she told me there would be times in your life when you have to choose between being loved and being respected. She said to always pick being respected, that love without respect was always fleeting — but that respect could grow into real, lasting love.
Now, of course, she was talking about women.
But I have learned over time that it applies just as much to leadership. In fact, I think that advice applies to America today more than ever.
I believe we have become paralyzed by our desire to be loved.
Our Founding Fathers had the wisdom to know that social acceptance and popularity is fleeting and that this country's principles needed to be rooted in strengths greater than the passions and emotions of the times.
Thom Hartmann covered this pretty extensively today- Christie is basically paraphrasing beloved Founding Father Niccolò Machiavelli here.
Our leaders today have decided it is more important to be popular, to do what is easy and say "yes," rather than to say no when "no" is what's required.
In recent years, we as a country have too often chosen the same path.
It's been easy for our leaders to say not us, and not now, in taking on the tough issues. And we've stood silently by and let them get away with it.
But tonight, I say enough.
I say, together, let's make a much different choice. Tonight, we are speaking up for ourselves and stepping up.
We are beginning to do what is right and what is necessary to make our country great again.
We are demanding that our leaders stop tearing each other down, and work together to take action on the big things facing America.
Tonight, we choose respect over love.
I'm grateful that Christie isn't choosing love, because "Christie Love" conjures up images of him sporting an afro wig and a form-fitting "mod" getup, an image which would have all but the most self-hating, bear-loving Log Cabin Republicans running toward the exits, trying not to puke. As an aside, when I clicked on the "Log Cabin Republican" link at teh Wikiwakiwoo, I was redirected to "Homosexual Republican"... it seems that the American Family Association is messing with Wikipedia. Of course, while claiming not to be seeking love, Christie has pandered to the Tea Party from day one... he pretty much painted his prodigious ass purple and waved it in front of the knuckle-dragging Koch baboons. He's just not seeking your love, Joe and Jane Schmo.
We are the great grandchildren of men and women who broke their backs in the name of American ingenuity; the grandchildren of the Greatest Generation; the sons and daughters of immigrants; the brothers and sisters of everyday heroes; the neighbors of entrepreneurs and firefighters, teachers and farmers, veterans and factory workers and everyone in-between who shows up not just on the big days or the good days, but on the bad days and on the hard days.
Each and every day. All 365 of them.
We are the United States of America.
We are the great grandchildren of the men and women who were saved from destitution by the New Deal, and protected from rapacious bosses by unions. To honor them, Christie's going to sell out their legacy.
Now we must lead the way our citizens live. To lead as my mother insisted I live, not by avoiding truths, especially the hard ones, but by facing up to them and being the better for it.
This is why he's lying.
We cannot afford to do anything less.
I know because this was the challenge in New Jersey.
When I came into office, I could continue on the same path that led to wealth, jobs and people leaving the state or I could do the job the people elected me to do – to do the big things.
There were those who said it couldn't be done. The problems were too big, too politically charged, too broken to fix. But we were on a path we could no longer afford to follow.
Of course, he doesn't mention that New Jersey's unemployment rate is considerably higher than the national average. How's that Jersey Comeback going, guv?
They said it was impossible to cut taxes in a state where taxes were raised 115 times in eight years. That it was impossible to balance a budget at the same time, with an $11 billion deficit. Three years later, we have three balanced budgets with lower taxes.
We did it.
Christie basically shifted the tax burden from the wealthy to the middle and lower class, which is exactly what Ryan and Romney would do.
The disciples of yesterday's politics underestimated the will of the people. They assumed our people were selfish; that when told of the difficult problems, tough choices and complicated solutions, they would simply turn their backs, that they would decide it was every man for himself.
Instead, the people of New Jersey stepped up and shared in the sacrifice.
Of course, not everyone shared in the sacrifice...
I know this simple truth and I'm not afraid to say it: our ideas are right for America and their ideas have failed America.
Yeah, the liberal ideas which FDR promulgated failed America, and the post-Reagonomics conservative ideas have worked. Nice use of figures to prove your point, Christie.
Let's be clear with the American people tonight. Here's what we believe as Republicans and what they believe as Democrats.
We believe in telling hard working families the truth about our country's fiscal realities. Telling them what they already know – the math of federal spending doesn't add up.
With $5 trillion in debt added over the last four years, we have no other option but to make the hard choices, cut federal spending and fundamentally reduce the size of government.
They believe that the American people don't want to hear the truth about the extent of our fiscal difficulties and need to be coddled by big government.
They believe the American people are content to live the lie with them.
We believe in telling seniors the truth about our overburdened entitlements.
We know seniors not only want these programs to survive, but they just as badly want them secured for their grandchildren.
Seniors are not selfish.
They believe seniors will always put themselves ahead of their grandchildren. So they prey on their vulnerabilities and scare them with misinformation for the cynical purpose of winning the next election.
Their plan: whistle a happy tune while driving us off the fiscal cliff, as long as they are behind the wheel of power.
We believe that the majority of teachers in America know our system must be reformed to put students first so that America can compete.
Teachers don't teach to become rich or famous. They teach because they love children.
We believe that we should honor and reward the good ones while doing what's best for our nation's future – demanding accountability, higher standards and the best teacher in every classroom.
They believe the educational establishment will always put themselves ahead of children. That self-interest trumps common sense.
They believe in pitting unions against teachers, educators against parents, and lobbyists against children.
They believe in teacher's unions.
We believe in teachers.
We believe that if we tell the people the truth they will act bigger than the pettiness of Washington, D.C.
We believe it's possible to forge bipartisan compromise and stand up for conservative principles.
It's the power of our ideas, not of our rhetoric, that attracts people to our Party.
We win when we make it about what needs to be done; we lose when we play along with their game of scaring and dividing.
It's nice to be told what you believe- Chris Christie does a bang-up job telling the convention attendees what the liberal strawmen in his head believe. There's so much mendacity in this bit that it would take a long time to rebut it point-by-point. That being said, when Christie says "we win when we make it about what needs to be done", he doesn't mention that voter suppression is really what "needs to be done" for them to win. Also, when he says "we lose when we play along with their game of scaring and dividing", he's being disingenous or he's straight up lying (I just picked those two examples, there's a plethora of them).
After some platitudes, and (finally!) a mention of Mitt Romney, Christie continues:
There's only one thing missing now. Leadership. It takes leadership that you don't get from reading a poll.
You see, Mr. President – real leaders don't follow polls. Real leaders change polls.
That's what we need to do now.
Change polls through the power of our principles.
Change polls through the strength of our convictions.
This is an interesting "tell"... Christie talks about changing polls, but he doesn't mention that they are changing polls by using biased polling organizations. Silly Christie, this is the sort of things one should only discuss in quiet rooms.
I don't know about you, but I don't want my children and grandchildren to have to read in a history book what it was like to live in an American century.
I don't want their only inheritance to be an enormous government that has overtaxed, overspent and over-borrowed a great people into second-class citizenship.
I want them to live in a second American century.
A second American century of strong economic growth where those who are willing to work hard will have good paying jobs to support their families and reach their dreams.
A second American century where real American exceptionalism is not a political punch line, but is evident to everyone in the world just by watching the way our government conducts its business and everyday Americans live their lives.
A second American century where our military is strong, our values are sure, our work ethic is unmatched and our Constitution remains a model for anyone in the world struggling for liberty.
Let us choose a path that will be remembered for generations to come. Standing strong for freedom will make the next century as great an American century as the last one.
Wow, Christie's talking about a New American Century, and we all know how that went. If you want a new New American Century, I'll tell you what, send Mitt's sons to Iran or whatever the hell else front you want, let their thin, blue blood stain the sand for the cause of FREEDUMB! and Dick Cheney's stock portfolio.
This is the American way.
We have never been victims of destiny.
We have always been masters of our own.
I won't be part of the generation that fails that test and neither will you.
It's now time to stand up. There's no time left to waste.
If you're willing to stand up with me for America's future, I will stand up with you.
If you're willing to fight with me for Mitt Romney, I will fight with you.
If you're willing to hear the truth about the hard road ahead, and the rewards for America that truth will bear, I'm here to begin with you this new era of truth-telling.
Tonight, we choose the path that has always defined our nation's history.
Tonight, we finally and firmly answer the call that so many generations have had the courage to answer before us.
Tonight, we stand up for Mitt Romney as the next President of the United States.
And, together, we stand up once again for American greatness.
Man, he's laying it on thick now, he's calling on his audience to heed the call to have the courage to saunter into a booth to vote for a sociopathic socialite who likes to fire people who aren't willing to work for a pittance behind barbed wire fences. Now, that's a Profile in Courage if ever I saw one!
Cross posted on delay at Rumproast, because I didn't want to step on Bette Noir's current post.
Now It Can Be Told
Last week, I indicated that there was big news on the horizon, and today is the time for my big reveal. I have been invited to join the Rumproast team, and put up my first post this morning, a short autobiography.
It's a good feeling, being trusted to participate in other people's blog. I was flattered to receive such a vote of confidence. I'd say there was a lot of pressure involved with the first post, but my co-bloggers there are very welcoming. They are also very generous hosts, giving me the option of cross-posting at both sites.
Thankfully, there's a lot of good material to work with if one is writing snarky political material... and I'll get cracking soon enough. Right now, I'm just basking in that warm, rosy glow.
It's a good feeling, being trusted to participate in other people's blog. I was flattered to receive such a vote of confidence. I'd say there was a lot of pressure involved with the first post, but my co-bloggers there are very welcoming. They are also very generous hosts, giving me the option of cross-posting at both sites.
Thankfully, there's a lot of good material to work with if one is writing snarky political material... and I'll get cracking soon enough. Right now, I'm just basking in that warm, rosy glow.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Harkonnen Headlining
Watching Reince Priebus (take the vowels out of his name and you have RNC PR BS) opening the GOP convention to a small group of white people, all I could think was, "Talk about tepid." Reince (my favorite anagram of his name is "Crib Seep Urine") has all the charisma of damp cardboard, and I imagine most of the delegates decided to bag his intro so they could head to the strip clubs.
The keynote, though, should be a different story, as GOP hearthrob Chris Christie will be delivering the speech. I expect Christie to be throwing as much "red meat" to the base as he consumes in a typical week. The Hudson Harkonnen is bound to be a hit, he's a thuggish, sexist boor who has been extraordinarily hostile to teachers and is trying to paint the rising unemployment in his state as a "comeback". I'm looking forward to Christie's speech, and I imagine that he'll have an introduction like this:
Christie is a reasonable man.
Not everyone is predicting a great speech by Christie- yeah, he'll probably talk more about himself than Mitt. Personally, I hope he slips up and mentions that he'll be running in 2016. Yeah, I hope he really stabs Mitt in the back... never trust a Harkonnen. Don't disappoint me, Christie.
The keynote, though, should be a different story, as GOP hearthrob Chris Christie will be delivering the speech. I expect Christie to be throwing as much "red meat" to the base as he consumes in a typical week. The Hudson Harkonnen is bound to be a hit, he's a thuggish, sexist boor who has been extraordinarily hostile to teachers and is trying to paint the rising unemployment in his state as a "comeback". I'm looking forward to Christie's speech, and I imagine that he'll have an introduction like this:
Christie is a reasonable man.
Not everyone is predicting a great speech by Christie- yeah, he'll probably talk more about himself than Mitt. Personally, I hope he slips up and mentions that he'll be running in 2016. Yeah, I hope he really stabs Mitt in the back... never trust a Harkonnen. Don't disappoint me, Christie.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Obama's Weather Smurfing Machine
On a hunch, I decided to see what a particular brand of kooks was saying about Hurricane Isaac, which has been disrupting the schedule for the impending GOP convention. Sure enough, some of the conspiracy nuts are claiming that Obama is using "weather control" technology to disrupt the convention.
The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program is a facility which is designed to allow studies of the Earth's ionosphere, in an attempt to promote the development of better communications and navigation systems. The centerpiece of the research facility is a high power, high frequency radio transmitter. To a normal human being, furthering knowledge of the ionosphere is a laudable goal, especially if it results in GPS systems which are more effective.
To the paranoid lunatic fringe, though, HAARP is a combination death ray, earthquake inducer, and weather control device. It's like a Swiss Army Doombringer- able to rain 57 varieties of death and destruction on a largely unsuspecting world. As a added bonus for the nutters, this high-tech Fist of the Illuminati utilizes super secret devices developed by Nikola Tesla. To the conspiracy nutters, Tesla is a one-man Mi-Go Weird Science R&D department. There's got to be a Godwin's Law equivalent here- as a thread on a conspiracy theory message board gets longer, the possibility that Tesla's name will be invoked becomes greater...
So, the Kenyan (or possibly Reptilian) usurper is up to his tricks, using secret Tesla technology to disrupt his opponents in order to bring about a Socialist New World Order with a weather smurfing machine. This plot was forshadowed in a 1980s cartoon, in which a worker in a socialist community built a weather control machine to foster the community's dire plot to subjugate the world. Peyo was prescient- the socialist men under their red father (aka Barack "Papa Smurf" Obama) have a real, genuine weather smurfing machine, and they're not afraid to use it!
And don't even get me started on what the queers are doing to the soil!
The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program is a facility which is designed to allow studies of the Earth's ionosphere, in an attempt to promote the development of better communications and navigation systems. The centerpiece of the research facility is a high power, high frequency radio transmitter. To a normal human being, furthering knowledge of the ionosphere is a laudable goal, especially if it results in GPS systems which are more effective.
To the paranoid lunatic fringe, though, HAARP is a combination death ray, earthquake inducer, and weather control device. It's like a Swiss Army Doombringer- able to rain 57 varieties of death and destruction on a largely unsuspecting world. As a added bonus for the nutters, this high-tech Fist of the Illuminati utilizes super secret devices developed by Nikola Tesla. To the conspiracy nutters, Tesla is a one-man Mi-Go Weird Science R&D department. There's got to be a Godwin's Law equivalent here- as a thread on a conspiracy theory message board gets longer, the possibility that Tesla's name will be invoked becomes greater...
So, the Kenyan (or possibly Reptilian) usurper is up to his tricks, using secret Tesla technology to disrupt his opponents in order to bring about a Socialist New World Order with a weather smurfing machine. This plot was forshadowed in a 1980s cartoon, in which a worker in a socialist community built a weather control machine to foster the community's dire plot to subjugate the world. Peyo was prescient- the socialist men under their red father (aka Barack "Papa Smurf" Obama) have a real, genuine weather smurfing machine, and they're not afraid to use it!
And don't even get me started on what the queers are doing to the soil!
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Rest in Tranquility, Moon Man
It was with considerable sadness that I read of the the death of Neil Armstrong, the first human to set foot on extraterrestrial soil (sorry, Cyrano). The Apollo Program is perhaps the pinnacle of human achievement- a voyage to a heavenly body with the safe return of the travelers. Neil was the first- the combination of brilliance and bravery that led him to volunteer for this mission is positively mind-boggling. The trust that he placed in the physicists and engineers that made the program possible is a testament to his character. Just watching the film, and hearing Neil Armstrong's famous prounouncement, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" gives me goosebumps:
Fittingly, I took a good, long look at a beautiful waxing moon tonight (since much of my work schedule is nocturnal, I devote a lot of my blog to the "altar of the lupine lords") and thought, "There are human footprints up there, what a marvel!" The fact that humans were able to accomplish such a feat fills me with pride, even though the society that put the Apollo 11 "Eagle" Lunar Lander on the moon was far from perfect, as Gil Scott Heron acidly observed in one of his best pieces:
Of course, Neil Armstrong had nothing to do with the societal pathologies of the day. It's hard to wrap one's head around this in this cynical age, but Neil was an unalloyed hero- a self-effacing individual who had accomplished an unprecedented feat, a mere human who had strode like a titan across the face of the moon.
Then I came back down to earth... forty-three years after the Apollo 11 landing, our society has become debased. Theocratic thugs are trying to impose their Bronze Age superstition on the nation that was capable of the Apollo Project and Rapture Ready rubes are so fearful of the real universe that they hope and pray for its destruction (with the accompanying sideshow of folks like you and me being subject to eternal torment). An entire political party platform is based on the premise that government, the very government that successfully put Neil Armstrong on the moon, should be shrunk to a size where it could be drowned in a bathtub or inserted into a vagina. Neil, we've failed you. We've failed to follow in your footsteps, both mundane and lunar. We've failed ourselves, and, so far, our progeny. Neil, you will be missed, at a time when we need your example of fearlessness and brilliance more than ever.
Wow, that sure took a depressing turn... time for a little soothing balm. I believe that zrm would concur with me that some Mekons are in order:
Goodnight, Neil, sorry we're not following in your footsteps.
Fittingly, I took a good, long look at a beautiful waxing moon tonight (since much of my work schedule is nocturnal, I devote a lot of my blog to the "altar of the lupine lords") and thought, "There are human footprints up there, what a marvel!" The fact that humans were able to accomplish such a feat fills me with pride, even though the society that put the Apollo 11 "Eagle" Lunar Lander on the moon was far from perfect, as Gil Scott Heron acidly observed in one of his best pieces:
Of course, Neil Armstrong had nothing to do with the societal pathologies of the day. It's hard to wrap one's head around this in this cynical age, but Neil was an unalloyed hero- a self-effacing individual who had accomplished an unprecedented feat, a mere human who had strode like a titan across the face of the moon.
Then I came back down to earth... forty-three years after the Apollo 11 landing, our society has become debased. Theocratic thugs are trying to impose their Bronze Age superstition on the nation that was capable of the Apollo Project and Rapture Ready rubes are so fearful of the real universe that they hope and pray for its destruction (with the accompanying sideshow of folks like you and me being subject to eternal torment). An entire political party platform is based on the premise that government, the very government that successfully put Neil Armstrong on the moon, should be shrunk to a size where it could be drowned in a bathtub or inserted into a vagina. Neil, we've failed you. We've failed to follow in your footsteps, both mundane and lunar. We've failed ourselves, and, so far, our progeny. Neil, you will be missed, at a time when we need your example of fearlessness and brilliance more than ever.
Wow, that sure took a depressing turn... time for a little soothing balm. I believe that zrm would concur with me that some Mekons are in order:
Goodnight, Neil, sorry we're not following in your footsteps.
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