Sunday, November 17, 2019

Fifty Shades of Goop

Just in time for Christmas, Gwynneth Paltrow's Goop website is selling a $1350 BDSM kit featuring wrist and ankle restraints and a leather-bound paddle. BDSM isn't my kink, but I'm pretty sure that the price tag for this kit is outrageous. One could probably get the cuffs for cheap at a local smut shop, or even pick up some novelty cuffs online. As far as a paddle goes, why not pick up a copy of Donald J. Trump, Jr's book for cheap from the remainder pile? You could spank your partner's ass for a while, and when you want to inflict real pain, you can display the cover picture of Junior's vapid mug. You can thank me for saving you money later.

I have to say that this kit, while overpriced, is less pain-inducing than Gwynneth's anti-vaccine rhetoric, and less kinky than her vagina steaming idea... it's perhaps her least dangerous offering.

Since I've mentioned BDSM in this post, I am obligated to post a video for the Vibrators' Whips and Furs:

Great, now I'm wondering if Goop sells vegan whips and fake furs.


The New York Crank said...

This offering from Gwynneth demonstrates the unwritten principle of law that it's not smut if a celebrity sells it for an outrageous amount of money.

The fact that some of what she sells has been decried as useless, or even dangerous, only enhances the perceived value of what she sells.

This principle of "Take what I send you and don't complain that I fraudulently took your money," was last employed with great visibility by Trump University.

With that in mind, don't be surprised if Gwynneth runs for president one of these days. After all, she's entitled.

Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Gwynneth already ran for president, her name was Marianne Williamson.

Professor Chaos said...

How the Hell is GOOP still in business? Who thinks that a person who names her kid Apple is someone from whom you should take advice?