Thursday, July 28, 2016

Chelsea's Mom Has Got It Going On

While drinking beer on Tuesday night, I glanced at one of the televisions on the tavern's walls and saw footage of Chelsea Clinton in the audience at the DNC. Coincidentally, the DJ who accompanies the Trivia Night MC was playing a clip of the comical indie pop smash Stacy's Mom, and I suddenly had 'Chelsea's mom has got it going on' running through my head. Well, tonight, Chelsea's mom pretty much knocked it out of the park, presenting a vision of America fundamentally different from that of Donald J. Trump. The assertion that we are stronger together is a direct rebuke of Donald Trump's assertion that he alone can fix America's problems. It's the democratic repudiation of Trump's strongman assertion.

I think Hillary's opening, talking about her family, was a good one- despite all the vitriol thrown at them for many years (including heinous jokes about young Chelsea), the Clintons have stuck together while the 'family values' Republicans like Newt Gingrich and Mark Sandford have had their own adultery scandals. The pivot to the Obama administration, her running mate, and her principal opponent was a good move- stressing party unity before transitioning into the bulk of her speech, which largely concerned national unity.

Hillary reminded listeners of the legacy of the Democratic Party, invoking the words of FDR: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” She countered the fearmongering of her opponent and the GOP at large, offering shared effort as the solution to the problems that our country faces. Hillary is aware of her historic status and made clear that feminism helps everybody, not just women:


Tonight, we've reached a milestone in our nation's march toward a more perfect union:

the first time that a major party has nominated a woman for President.

Standing here as my mother's daughter, and my daughter's mother, I'm so happy this day has come.

Happy for grandmothers and little girls and everyone in between.

Happy for boys and men, too – because when any barrier falls in America, for anyone, it clears the way for everyone. When there are no ceilings, the sky's the limit.

So let's keep going, until every one of the 161 million women and girls across America has the opportunity she deserves.



Later, she joked about criticism of her appeals to female voters:


We're going to help you balance family and work. And you know what, if fighting for affordable child care and paid family leave is playing the “woman card,” then Deal Me In!

Let's see the misogynistic troglodytes try to counter that one!

Much of her speech was a point-by-point takedown of GOP positions- the anti-science, anti-environmental, anti-immigrant, and anti-worker policies. She leavened the speech with an occasional zinger, with this being my particular favorite:


Now, you didn't hear any of this from Donald Trump at his convention.

He spoke for 70-odd minutes – and I do mean odd.

And he offered zero solutions. But we already know he doesn't believe these things.



Hillary listed her policy solutions for our problems, she took Donald Trump to task for his bombast, mendacity, and foolishness. She was funny at times, no mean feat for someone widely seen as a bit of a wonk. Listening to her speech, my Tuesday night earworm came unbidden to mind: Chelsea's mom has got it going on!


Chelsea's mom has got it goin' on
She's all we want and we've waited for so long
Chelsea, can't you see your mom rocked the DNC?
She'll make the nation strong so cast a vote for Chelsea's mom.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

First Time I've Ever Done This

Tonight was a first... I actually called the police on a couple of dimwits. While doing my walkabout, I noticed a firework, subsequently identified as a bottle rocket, arc across our property. I rushed to the area from which it seemed to emanate and saw two twenty-something dimbulbs hanging out. I hit them with the light and told them they were in deep doo-doo... then I called 911, something which I haven't done since the days I worked in a nursing home. I interposed myself between one of the guys and the entrance, while the other guy started walking away. The guy I cornered whined, "You're letting him get away?" I replied, "I got you. That's sufficient. Don't even think of moving an inch or you really won't be happy."

The local gendarmes arrived in a matter of minutes, two officers and a lieutenant. They grilled the dumbass I'd cornered, a twenty-seven year old sad-sack who whined about his friend from Chicago who had just lost his job and wanted to blow off some steam. Why, he purchased his fireworks legally en route from Chicago to New York. Why were they trespassing? They didn't want to set off their fireworks in a residential neighborhood. Poor dumbfuck was in tears. After delivering a lecture about trespassing, the police officers mentioned 'arson', which reduced the guy to mush... yeah, he's lucky there weren't any signs of combustion.

In the meantime, the lieutenant informed me that there was a detective out looking for the other guy, who the on-site guy said fired off the fireworks. The police on site told the remaining dumbass to call his friend to tell him to return or the consequences would be grave. Poor naive fucker, probably thought his friend would stick by him. As far as I know, the local constabulary is still looking for him.

In the end, I declined to press charges- the organization likes to keep a low profile, and this is certainly the most serious incident I've ever dealt with. On the rare occasions when we've had trespassers, they are drunks who take the wrong 'shortcut' or hop the perimeter fence to take a post last call piss, nothing in which to involve the local constabulary. In the nine years I've been on the job, this is the first time I've had to call the police emergency number. I've called the non-emergency number a couple of times to report abandoned bicycles, but tonight was something very out of the ordinary.

At any rate, the guy I stopped was grilled to the extent that he cried his eyes out... I bet he didn't even know that there was anybody on the premises at the hour. I may be a big fellow, but I've taken a couple of levels in Ninja, he was shocked that somebody materialized out of the dark, somebody serious, and nabbed him. I bet this guy won't be coming anywhere near the property in the future, and hopefully the word will get out that it's not the best place to be after dark (though I have to say that it's a pretty awesome place to be after dark). I still can't wrap my head around the stupidity that inspired these numbnuts to pull their Grucci Family act near our sensitive site, on a hot, dry summer night. If they had just been trespassing, I would have told them to shove off, but adding open flame to their shenanigans forced my hand... especially since Ginger is working in the building closest to the bottle rocket's trajectory.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Thanks for the Linky Love!

Here's a hearty thanks and a high five to Friend of the Bastard bspencer, who has been a member of the bloggerhood since the days she was slaying vacuums. Thanks, and welcome to any and all new readers. A special thanks to bloggerhood member Major Kong, who is also an all-around awesome guy. The major's aviation diaries at DKos are must-reads for all airplane buffs and anyone who has an interest in engineering and avionics.

This is going to be a short post, as I'm heading out for Tuesday night bar trivia (last week we took first place after a drawn out tiebreaker concerning an enniedecahedron- whodathunk that 'ennie' would be a synonym for 'nona'?). I figure I can catch up on the DNC coverage tomorrow, and put up a post. Tonight, it's all about cold beer and fierce competition.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Beyond Trumpy Tangerine

In the midst of last week's Republican National Convention, there was a 'blink and you'll miss it' moment which, in my estimation, lays bare the whole rotten scam. It was a seven minute and eight second speech, railing against burdensome tax rates and onerous regulations, delivered by a stern-looking Valkyrie in a dress with weird pauldrons:





It's funny to see this particular individual railing against regulation, because she's a shill for a multilevel marketing scam that peddles bogus dietary supplements. While investing sites warn against the Youngevity MLM, they only scratch the surface of the awfulness. Youngevity is associated with a scam artist named Joel Wallach, a veterinarian who was pushing colloidal minerals as a cure-all for everything from cancer to cystic fibrosis to crippling ennui. Of course, these cures were being suppressed by the sinister medical establishment- Wallach first came to the world's notice with a tape titled 'Dead Doctors Don't Lie', detailing the perfidy of physicians and making counterfactual claims that medical doctors have a lower life expectancy than the general population. The names of the scams may change, but the basic claims are the same- don't trust anybody with actual expertise- the simple country veterinarian will somehow cure your ass-cancer with colloidal minerals sourced from faraway lands and that, yes, even Lyme disease and the Zika virus are somehow related to sufferers' failure to get enough molybdenum or shark cartilage in their diets.

If Trump makes it to the White House, he'll probably make Joel Wallach his Surgeon General... five years ago, Trump himself got involved in a multilevel marketing supplement scam. Maybe he can revive this particular scheme by lending his branding power to the grifting power of Wallach. By law, the FDA cannot regulate dietary supplements, due to a 1994 law passed by legislators with ties to the industry. These are the 'burdensome' regulations that Van Etten labors under... yeah, virtually no regulation. That 'Tangy Tangerine' shit might be made out of pulverized skin flakes falling from Donald Trump's oddly orange epidermis.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Trying to Get in from the Heat

It's been really hot for the last couple of days as the 'heat dome' which has been cooking the Midwest has moved east. The Manager on Duty on the dayshift spent a good portion of the day running jugs of cold water to the folks who had to work today, and handing out refrigerated bottles of water to visitors as soon as they arrived on site. Ginger parked herself in the air-conditioned break room until her end-of-shift meal was forthcoming and she took up rat patrol duties after 5PM. Shortly before sundown, I let her and Fred out and gave them a good brushing, releasing clouds and clouds of hair.

It's still hot out, about 80 degrees Fahrenheit (26.66 Celsius), so even the cold-blooded denizens of the site are enviously eyeing the air-conditioned interior of our main building:




Hey, buddy, I'll let you in, but you've got to get me VIP passes to Toad's.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Hillary's Pick

The big political news today is that Hillary Clinton picked Tim Kaine of Virginia as her running mate. This move seems to involve a lot of political triangulation... Kaine was the governor of a Southern swing-state, he speaks Spanish fluently, and comes across as someone who personally espouses moderately conservative values but upholds moderately progressive government policies. He's not a liberal firebrand, but he has fought on the behalf of the disadvantaged as a youngish lawyer.

He comes across a lot like Joe Biden, who I tend to like... I sorta wish she had named Biden as her running mate. There are no term limits for Vice Presidents, so Biden would be eligible for the office. While 'President for Life' is a clear-cut signal of a failed state/banana republice, 'Vice President for Life' is merely comical... I think Biden would fit nicely in the role.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

The Warlord Trump

Donald Trump is supposed to deliver his acceptance speech as the Republican presidential candidate tonight. Given the fact that his wife's speech the first night of the convention cribbed a lot of content from a speech delivered by Michelle Obama at the DNC in 2008, I imagine that Trump is going to crib a lot of content for his speech:





Watching that clip again, I have to notice that Wez' boyfriend, who gets the boomerang in the noggin, looks a lot like that caveman Milo Yabbadabbadoopolis.

I'm not worried about the outcome of this election, I'm heavily invested in razor-edged boomerang futures.