Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Cutting Edge Home Defense Technology

From the 'ya can't just make this shit up' file, a Michigan man (I am shocked he wasn't a Florida Man) defended himself from a home invader with a battleax purchased at a Ren Faire. The home invader wasn't too swift, having been an ex-boyfriend of a roommate of the man he attacked... you'd think he would have learned that the guy was involved in a full-contact combat LARP. D00d didn't have to read Njáls Saga to know that breaking into the home of a heavily armed guy rarely ends successfully. In this case, the invader got his torso chopped in an inverse of that iconic scene from The Shining. Luckily for him, his intended victim didn't have a Bohemian earspoon or a glaive-glaive-glaive-guisarme-glaive, or he probably would have ended with a lethal perforation, rather than having a mere divot taken out. Again, people, it's important to read your sagas.

Perhaps the funniest thing about this sordid tale of primitivism is the fact that the possessor of an elegant weapon for a more civilized age lived in apartment 2A... guy was bearing arms, alright!

Alternate post title: While you were breaking down the door, I studied the blade.


mikey said...

I so completely approve of this.

He's not gonna blast through the walls and kill a bunch of kids in their beds.

In the dark, on intimately familiar territory, barefoot, I want to close with the intruder and use edged weapons or even blunt force weapons. I'm the one that knows the bottom stair is loose and it's easy to knock the lamp over if you don't know it's there.

He has no idea what's going on until I introduce him to my li'l frien'....

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

His choice of a battleaxe was kinda weird, because of the room it takes to swing the thing. A boar spear would have caused a lot more trauma while keeping the attacker at a distance.