Sioux Falls Blue Balls

I have to confess that I have been watching Mike Lindell's three-day shitshow in South Dakota, that rapidly crashing-and-burning 'cyber symposium', which has been a farrago of incompetence and nincompoopery. There's a certain surreal quality to an event which is simultaneously a threat to democracy and a comedy of errors. I've noted before that Marx once noted that historic facts appear twice, the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce, but I'd posit that they repeat themselves a third time, as tragedy-cum-farce. The 'Cyber Symposium' has been one of these tragic farces, or farcical tragedies. The three-day symposium basically died last night when Lindell's prime 'cyber guy' admitted that the main evidence of Chinese tampering hinted at by the Pillow Guy was bogus:

Spider (a/k/a Spyder), Mike Lindell's "lead cyber expert," says the packet-capture data the pillow exec has been promising for months would irrefutably show the 2020 election was rigged by China is actually bogus. https://t.co/crrNrJZofd pic.twitter.com/2tEgqLxnKl

— Brad Heath (@bradheath) August 12, 2021

If you can't trust a guy named 'Spider', who can you trust? Things went further awry when a judged ruled that Dominion could proceed with defamation lawsuits against Lindell, and Trump's incompetent lawyers:

Breaking: Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, and Mike Lindell have all lost their bids to dismiss the defamation claims brought by Dominion Voting Systems. The multi-billion dollar lawsuits will move forward.https://t.co/TNyOgNVsIo

— Jan Wolfe (@JanNWolfe) August 11, 2021

The final day of the symposium, the day after Lindell was twice defeated, opened on a bizarre note, with Lindell claiming that he was attacked at his hotel (no details forthcoming):

Mike Linell takes to the stage and says last night at his hotel, he was “attacked.”

— Zachary Petrizzo (@ZTPetrizzo) August 12, 2021

He also claimed that 'Antifa' was trying to infiltrate his circus:

Day 3 of the cyber symposium begins with an announcement that there was a “threat to the data streams.” Lindell insinuates that Antifa may be behind the “attacks.” He also has more advice for journalists: “you need to report the truth.”

— Khaya Himmelman (@KhayaHimmelman) August 12, 2021

So far, my favorite claim by the Pillow Guy is a hilarious description of Dominion's equipment:

Lindell’s expert claims Dominion machines use “Serbian technology with Chinese characteristics” pic.twitter.com/VQHmpARVFG

— Khaya Himmelman (@KhayaHimmelman) August 12, 2021

"Serbian Technology with Chinese Characteristics" is Pure Comedy Gold. Late in the game, Lindell is trying to move the goalposts, having failed to deliver the goods:

The bait-and-switch is complete.

Mike Lindell, knowing the data he promised to reveal this week is bogus, is now dumping a bunch of new stuff he got from a "whistleblower" and claiming this is what actually shows proof of election fraud.

This is low-rent con artist behavior. https://t.co/l3PPaqRQYo

— Justin Baragona (@justinbaragona) August 12, 2021

The best quote from this three day, three-ring circus came last night, from one of Lindell's minions- again, this is Pure Comedy Gold:

"The CNNs of the world, you guys need to start reporting this and stop fact-checking it!" pic.twitter.com/ZSLwOPiGBI

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) August 11, 2021

Meanwhile, in the fever swamps of MAGAland, the natives are upset that the months of hype and false promises have left them unfulfilled:

Would you like to know how My Cyber Pillow Suppository is being received at Patriots dot win?

Hell yes you would.

Grab some tendies, frens, and let's f_cking goooooooooooo.... pic.twitter.com/0gf99RxiJV

— Eryq Ouithaqueue has the PCAPs (@EryqOuithaqueue) August 12, 2021

The My Pillow Guy, with his promises of 'BOOMS' and the Restoration of Trump, was leading them on, just as 'Q' has kept them 'edging' for almost four years. Lindell didn't deliver a climax with his symposium, he just gave the MAGAs a case of Sioux Falls blue balls.  

ADDENDUM: How could I have omitted the 'Chinese Thing' bit?

Lindell adds that China put a “Chinese thing” over his Lindell TV live stream of the event. pic.twitter.com/cL9QyfpBdl

— Zachary Petrizzo (@ZTPetrizzo) August 12, 2021