The Hero America Deserves

From America's Heartland, a folk hero arises... in a downmarket echo of Rand Paul's bizarre, violent altercation with a neighbor, an Oklahoma man decided to challenge a former neighbor to a knife fight. Already, we are in Borgesian territory, El Mediooeste rather than El Sur. As if that weren't fantastic enough, our protagonist fashioned a makeshift haramaki out of pornographic magazines. There's a sort of old-fashioned quainterie about the whole affair, and a hearkening back to the ancient Far East. As far as I am concerned, Donald Gene Gaither is the hero that America now deserves, the one Donald who best represents our nation.