Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Doperah

So, what do I see today, but a link to an article about Glenn Beck, which describes his new attempt at reinvention:


In Beck's telling, the Dallas event is the natural product of a years-long evolution of the modern conservative movement — in which he places his own projects as conspicuously central — that has moved beyond mere grassroots politics, and on to loftier ambitions. But it also marks the latest move in an aggressive transformation of the Glenn Beck brand, from the right-wing ranter-in-chief he played on Fox, to the red-state Prophet of Love he's casting himself as today — a wholesome hybrid of Oprah Winfrey, Walt Disney, and Mahatma Gandhi, the role models he now frequently name-checks.


Oh great, a kinder, gentler emotionally unstable right-wing whackaloon, one who is trying to rescue American popular culture from the vise-grip of godless libruls, meanwhile slandering the memory of a liberal stalwart and American icon:


"The conservative movement needs a Dick Clark," Beck told BuzzFeed in a recent interview. "And I hope to fill some of that vacuum."


You're halfway there, Beck, being a dick and all. Anyway, the attainment of Beck's goal will be daunting:


The venue set to introduce the world to this kinder, gentler Beck is a three-day event in Dallas that the conservative media mogul has billed, "Restoring Love." It will include a "global Tea Party summit," a conference of conservative religious leaders, and a concert-rally at Cowboys Stadium featuring inspirational music from a growing roster of artists Beck is building. The goal, he said, is to seize control of pop culture from the left by producing patriotic, uplifting art — and use that new megaphone to promote a message of enlightenment and love."


Keep fucking that chicken tilting at windmills oh teary-eyed, starry-eyed one:


His current obsession: Spreading conservative values by "reclaiming" mainstream popular culture.


The greatest obstacle to fulfilling his obsession is that conservatives pretty much suck ass at creating pop culture, or any sort of culture (WARNING: GOATSE CONTENT IN LINK). Here are some craptastic examples of what Beck's project promises to promulgate:











And perhaps the best of them all:





Suck on it Springsteen! Bite it, Barbra! Your anti-American caterwauling will never survive the Beck Bandstand Battalion! WOLVERINES!!!

9 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The goal, he said, is to seize control of pop culture from the left by producing patriotic, uplifting art

KILLDOZER!

Furthermore.
~

M. Bouffant said...

So essentially he's realized none of the paranoid & overtly political crap is going to fly beyond the actuarial tables. No fool he so his new revenue stream is the saps who bought his Xmas Sweater book. You know, mawkish sentimentality & patriotic muck for Mormons & others who think Oprah's a little too swarthy, if'n y'know whut Ah mean.

Or blooper shows.

M. Bouffant said...

Kind of a Morm-rah, iow.

Substance McGravitas said...

That Breitbart thing is great. When I think of him I think of a sunny morning.

wiley said...

You're halfway there, Beck, being a dick and all.

This made me laugh. Thnx.

He's fucking a chicken wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross and it lays golden eggs. Life is so unfair sometimes.

Smut Clyde said...

a chicken wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross

Wiley should start a cooking blog.

bbkf said...

glenn beck is another crapzample of why my faith in god has been so deeply shaken i do not think i will be able to cross the chasm...i'm sure he feels his obscene wealth is a gift from his god, which further proves to me that if that's who and or what god is and his gig is to make vitriolic asshats like beck rich and let children starve and be abused, then he's a major asshole and a douchebag to boot...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

KILLDOZER!

That sure beats Mittdozer.

So essentially he's realized none of the paranoid & overtly political crap is going to fly beyond the actuarial tables. No fool he so his new revenue stream is the saps who bought his Xmas Sweater book

It's kinda hard to keep talking about the impending apocalypse which refuses to come.

Kind of a Morm-rah, iow.

Is Morm-rah an undead Mormon?

That Breitbart thing is great. When I think of him I think of a sunny morning.

Funny, I think of a dreamy Vancouverite with an enticingly large forehead.

He's fucking a chicken wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross and it lays golden eggs. Life is so unfair sometimes

It's so much easier to be evil, ain't it?

Wiley should start a cooking blog.

First recipe, a turbeckan.

glenn beck is another crapzample of why my faith in god has been so deeply shaken i do not think i will be able to cross the chasm...

I'm an apatheist- I don't even bother to consider these issues anymore. Life's too short to look forward to or dread an eternal life.

Another Kiwi said...

I see their lips move
But I don't hear
Breitbart is here.

Fucking rhyming, how does it work.
What a gloriously awful song it is.