"Yeah, I heard you, that's why I came. I understand you don't have a lawyer... you're just lucky that I was up and about at this ridiculous hour to bail you out."
"Look, I know you claim to be innocent, but you were picked up on private property wearing a ridiculous burglar mask, like something from a cheesy cartoon, or a fast food commercial. It's no wonder they were suspicious when they picked you up."
"Yeah, I know you didn't have any stolen goods on you, but you'll probably face a trespassing charge at the very least. What the hell were you doing on that property at that hour, wearing that mask?"
"What? Somebody told you there was a fancy masquerade there at that hour? Fool, remember that Cinderella had to leave the masquerade ball at midnight... those kind of parties don't start at midnight! Look, I think you were being set up... the real thief wanted you to be the patsy while he committed the crime. Judging from the items missing from the property, I immediately thought of a criminal who sorely vexed me for a long time... but he's been dead for two and a half years- unless he faked his death... but that only happens in bad movies."
"What? Never mind, you're free to go, and take off that ridiculous mask!"