Monday, December 13, 2010

Even in Death, He Vexes Me

Dealing with the death of loved ones is difficult (the one year anniversary of my father's death is coming up), but how does one deal with the death of an acquaintance one does not particularly like? What does one do when one finds out that one's most bitter rival has met an untimely end? Should I regret our feud? Could things have turned out differently if we had only met under better circumstances? Part of me feels a pang of remorse... maybe we could have been friends. While his death means that he won't be preemptively stealing the very apples that I've planned to scrump, I can't help but think that those aforementioned apples will taste like ashes in my mouth next fall. The battle of wits made those stolen apples taste sweeter, the rivalry made the very act of scrumping more dramatic. Now, I am robbed of this game, and the lacuna in my spirit vexes me, as does the fact that his corpse is decomposing under my workplace, and the aroma of his passing into the bosom of the earth permeates the building.





Rest in peace, old foe. Our conflict was bitter, your passing pungent.

12 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Such an epitaph!

And how did your competitor meet his demise?
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

You are much more gracious and eloguent towards the hairy lumps than I was.

Von said...

Alas, poor squirrel, I knew him....not at all.

Substance McGravitas said...

Now, I am robbed of this game, and the lacuna in my spirit vexes me, as does the fact that his corpse is decomposing under my workplace, and the aroma of his passing into the bosom of the earth permeates the building.

Know any weird guys in med school?

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Are you sure he's passed on and isn't making some sort of apple based kimchi down there?

Also, how small is this tree? No combination of one man (regardless of how large and follicly challenged) and one rodent can consume the output of even a marginal apple tree. Well maybe EatsAFrickingLottaApples McGee and his voracious apple-eating Capybara that's infested with tapeworms.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

And how did your competitor meet his demise?

I think it was a surfeit of **pretend strike tag**lampreys**/pretend strike tag** apples.

You are much more gracious and eloguent towards the hairy lumps than I was.

Would the goddamn Batman not eulogize the Joker?

Alas, poor squirrel, I knew him....not at all.

So you've never experienced the heartbreak of stolen apples?

Know any weird guys in med school?

I know a couple of mad scientists, but they're in the antipodes.

Are you sure he's passed on and isn't making some sort of apple based kimchi down there?

Remind me not to hit any bulgogi joints in LEAFS SUCK.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I know a couple of mad scientists, but they're in the antipodes.


Actually, it seems that if you give them beers, they just become disgruntled and not so much mad.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Remind me not to hit any bulgogi joints in LEAFS SUCK.

Rilly? The idea of apple kimchi bothers you? Texture-wise, apples aren't very different from pickled daikon - and the flavour ranges for sweetness and tartness are similar. You wouldn't have had a problem if it had been onions in kimchi. And think of how good apple kimchi would be with fatty bits of pork in a bowl of rice bibimbap-style.

Mmmmm, that actually sounds pretty good. If my lawn wasn't frozen already, I'd be burying some apples and cabbage today!

Another Kiwi said...

Burying apples and cabbage will not appease the lawn gods, who are NOT LISTENING!!!
Ah, were the lampreys in the squirrels bed? A friend was asking

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Rilly? The idea of apple kimchi bothers you?

Not at all- I am a go GO GOCHUGANG!!! type of guy, but if apple kimchi would produce the aroma downstairs, count me out.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

I'm surprised that a DIYer like yourself isn't familiar with the smell of kimchi before it's ready. Or is the former Mr. Groundhog even riper than that? *shudder*

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Or is the former Mr. Groundhog even riper than that?

Yeah, he's pretty bad- bad enough to inspire open windows on twenty-degree days.