Wednesday, July 27, 2016

First Time I've Ever Done This

Tonight was a first... I actually called the police on a couple of dimwits. While doing my walkabout, I noticed a firework, subsequently identified as a bottle rocket, arc across our property. I rushed to the area from which it seemed to emanate and saw two twenty-something dimbulbs hanging out. I hit them with the light and told them they were in deep doo-doo... then I called 911, something which I haven't done since the days I worked in a nursing home. I interposed myself between one of the guys and the entrance, while the other guy started walking away. The guy I cornered whined, "You're letting him get away?" I replied, "I got you. That's sufficient. Don't even think of moving an inch or you really won't be happy."

The local gendarmes arrived in a matter of minutes, two officers and a lieutenant. They grilled the dumbass I'd cornered, a twenty-seven year old sad-sack who whined about his friend from Chicago who had just lost his job and wanted to blow off some steam. Why, he purchased his fireworks legally en route from Chicago to New York. Why were they trespassing? They didn't want to set off their fireworks in a residential neighborhood. Poor dumbfuck was in tears. After delivering a lecture about trespassing, the police officers mentioned 'arson', which reduced the guy to mush... yeah, he's lucky there weren't any signs of combustion.

In the meantime, the lieutenant informed me that there was a detective out looking for the other guy, who the on-site guy said fired off the fireworks. The police on site told the remaining dumbass to call his friend to tell him to return or the consequences would be grave. Poor naive fucker, probably thought his friend would stick by him. As far as I know, the local constabulary is still looking for him.

In the end, I declined to press charges- the organization likes to keep a low profile, and this is certainly the most serious incident I've ever dealt with. On the rare occasions when we've had trespassers, they are drunks who take the wrong 'shortcut' or hop the perimeter fence to take a post last call piss, nothing in which to involve the local constabulary. In the nine years I've been on the job, this is the first time I've had to call the police emergency number. I've called the non-emergency number a couple of times to report abandoned bicycles, but tonight was something very out of the ordinary.

At any rate, the guy I stopped was grilled to the extent that he cried his eyes out... I bet he didn't even know that there was anybody on the premises at the hour. I may be a big fellow, but I've taken a couple of levels in Ninja, he was shocked that somebody materialized out of the dark, somebody serious, and nabbed him. I bet this guy won't be coming anywhere near the property in the future, and hopefully the word will get out that it's not the best place to be after dark (though I have to say that it's a pretty awesome place to be after dark). I still can't wrap my head around the stupidity that inspired these numbnuts to pull their Grucci Family act near our sensitive site, on a hot, dry summer night. If they had just been trespassing, I would have told them to shove off, but adding open flame to their shenanigans forced my hand... especially since Ginger is working in the building closest to the bottle rocket's trajectory.

2 comments:

OBS said...

Good for you!

I live on a mountain just outside of town, bout 2/3rds of the way up, in the middle of the forest.

Some dumbasses with fireworks started a fire that ended up consuming 14 acres of forest about two miles from my house, on the same hill. They haven't caught them yet.

Fucking idiots.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Thanks, I really couldn't believe these two dickheads were shooting bottle rockets off. The guy I nabbed was 27, old enough to know better. I hope the dumbass reconsiders his friendship with the weasel who left him to take all the heat. These dumbells weren't high schoolers.