While surfing teh Y00t00b, I was subjected to this really, really bad advertisement:
Why, you ask, is this ad so horrible? Well, it turns out that tampering with a vending machine in a manner such as this can get your ass killed. Statistically, an individual is more likely to be killed by a vending machine than by a shark. I haven't written to Hillshire Brands to complain about this ad, but perhaps I should. How many bros may fall victim to the vending machine menace because they emulate the actions of a 6'5", 310 lb former professional wrestler who is assaulting a (probably fake) vending machine under highly controlled circumstances? How many bros, indeed? Maybe I'd better wait until after the upcoming elections to register my complaint. Maybe Hillshire will try to buy me off with a lifetime supply of beef jerky...
On further consideration, the more beef jerky you eat, the shorter your lifespan probably is.
Bastard in Picture Not Shown at Actual Size
About Me
- Big Bad Bald Bastard
- The Big Bad Bald Bastard is a character played by Monsieur _______ of the City of Y______. The role of the Bastard is a handy one to play on subways, walking the streets, and in dive-bars, when being a nerdy, bookish sort is not to one's advantage.
6 comments:
The Darwin Awards may need a media/adverts category. And haven't we learned to use tools rather than brute force yet?
I remember Tiny there as "Zeus"; he was a large person & I'd guess the 310 was his fighting weight, rather than his current advertising poundage.
Messin' with vending machines surely can't be any more dangerous than messin' with sasquatch! See, both sides do it and I didn't see you make any fuss over those commercials. You are intentionally ignoring the facts to push your liberal agenda. And I'm not going to stop calling you Surely!!!11!!
I am immediately reminded of the end of the novel 'One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest'. McMurphy had earlier shown Chief Bromden the path to freedom. And it involved throwing a massive device through a wall...
Hillshire's Beef Bratwursts are their best products, imho.
I do sometimes get the all beef Ballpark Franks when they're on sale but Nathans aren't.
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Of course, all such should be decorated with mustard and sauerkraut, as the FSM intended.
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The dangerous nature of vending machines was revealed in Mel Brooks' documentary about "Silent Movie".
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