Thursday, November 8, 2012

Norris/Nugent 2016!

One of the best things about the Romney campaign post mortem is reading the collective cri du cul emanating from the right-wingers. One interesting feature of their distorted view of the election is the contention that Romney, like his predecessor John McCain, was not conservative enough. Yes, even though paleolithic paleoconservative rape-apologists like Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock lost their senate bids because of their knuckle-dragger comments concerning women's rights, Mittens somehow lost because he wasn't regressive enough.

One axiom of the right-wing is that Conservatism can never fail, it can only be failed. Since Romney failed, he cannot be a conservative. So, what of 2016? Ryan would be the most likely choice, because he was the second banana on the ticket... the one hitch is that he will still have the Romney stench clinging to his P90X-toned frame. Former Tea Party heartthrob Chris Christie is being drummed out of the party because he praised President Obama's response to Superstorm Sandy. Rick Santorum is too much of a Big Government guy to be entrusted to run for the White House. Rick Perry is too soft on immigration. Let's face it, there are very few true conservatives worthy of running in 2016, but I have the perfect ticket:

NORRIS/NUGENT 2016


I believe this is the true conservative ticket that can win the White House back for the GOP. Let's meet the candidates, shall we? Here's the totally-not-insane presidential candidate, speaking calmly and eloquently about the importance of the separation of Church and State:





Here's the one-hundred-percent-not-sexually-confused Ted Nugent expressing the psychosexual aspects of the Second Amendment:





How could the GOP fail to capture the all three branches of government with such a dream team at the top of the ticket?

WOLVERINES!!!

8 comments:

Substance McGravitas said...

No, this woman you found me deserves a shot.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

As I mentioned at the MPS thread where you pre-stole my joke, I think the ticket is Limbaugh/Nugent.

mikey said...

There is a channel on my cable system, up in the thousands, that is all about shooting sports and hunting. I suppose it comes as no surprise that I often watch this channel, particularly their presentation of "Wednesday Night at the Range". One of the programs they run is hosted by Ted Nugent. OK, whatever, they have programming that is produced by the NRA, so this isn't in any way surprising. Whatevs, y'know?

But one night I was watching this channel and ol' Teddy went on a nonsensical political rant. A few google searches later, I had fired off a scathing email to the executive management. I told them I was interested in firearms and hunting, but they should keep their political idiocy to themselves and just produce their programming and sell their products. I got responses from every level, prostrating themselves before me, but of course disavowing any control over editorial content.

But the good news is that even these wingnut-centric assholes are sensitive to the complaint, and can be influenced. The intert00bz, and particularly Twitter, are points of great concern to marketing organizations, and can draw disproportionate response. So don't stop telling them what you think...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

No, this woman you found me deserves a shot.

Deserves a shot? She's drunk the whole bottle!

As I mentioned at the MPS thread where you pre-stole my joke, I think the ticket is Limbaugh/Nugent.

Sorry to have stepped on your dick- it's not hard to do to a zombie.

But one night I was watching this channel and ol' Teddy went on a nonsensical political rant. A few google searches later, I had fired off a scathing email to the executive management. I told them I was interested in firearms and hunting, but they should keep their political idiocy to themselves and just produce their programming and sell their products. I got responses from every level, prostrating themselves before me, but of course disavowing any control over editorial content.

I wonder if they'd host a shooting show featuring Rachel Maddow? Good on ya for complaining.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Sorry to have stepped on your dick- it's not hard to do to a zombie.

yeah, we are mostly pretty well-endowed. Appy-ology accepted. Now give my dick back.

zencomix said...

In the spirit of Santorum styled failed Republican Senate bids moving on to Presidential runs, I suggest that Norris/Nugent will need to get by Akin/Mourdock in the primaries.

paleotectonics said...

Plus, Nugent speaks spanish as evidenced by his his reach-out-to Latinos-theme Wango Tango. Norris starred in some film involving drugs from Mexico. WE ARE TALKING THE APEX OF DIVERSITY.

We'll show teh Kenyindowaiian!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Butterscotch lady with orchestra.
~