Sunday, August 7, 2011

YOU WILL BE SUBGAGATED!!!

Everybody seems to have one- the family member or acquaintance who always sends right-wing e-mails. Mine is a former co-worker whose e-mails I usually delete without reading. Last night, I saw the subject line "The Camel's Nose is Under the Tent!" (why are so many of their metaphors so damn racist?) and made the mistake of reading the e-mail, which included a link to a right wing article about the state of Michigan's food assistance hotline offering client services in Arabic. Normally, I'd make the assumption that this sort of offering was to help out a hypothetical 85 year old widow who emigrated from Jordan in the sixties but spent most of her time as a homemaker, and shopped largely in stores catering to the Arabic-speaking community and has the same level of English comprehension as the stereotypical black-clad Belmont nonna, but the freepers paint a picture of strapping young buqs buying halal T-bone steaks and ammonium nitrate with food stamps and Cadillac driving welfare sheikhs.

I read the summary, but didn't click the link- it's just the same old racist bullshit with an added paranoid spin. To spice up the e-mail, though, my former co-worker added a warning of his own to the e-mail... in 48 point red letters: WAKE UP SHEEPLE! YOU WILL BE SUBGAGATED!!!

You will be... subgagated? At first, I assumed this was a spelling error resulting from the brain-rot that seems to affect all right-wingers, but then I realized that it was actually a clever portmanteau word coined to describe a heretofore unrealized threat. The real danger facing this nation, subgagation, is subjugation by Lady Gaga. Yes, we will be crushed under the stiletto'd bootheel of a cartoon sexpot, and an individual who is renowned for not wearing a lot of clothing will lead us into a Burqamerican dystopia. Yes, we're nosing under the camel toe, and pitching a tent... soon, we will all be SUBGAGATED!!! If you think it can't happen, think again sheeple- hell, even the Amish are being SUBGAGATED!!!, and those d00dz don't even have TeeVee machines.

ADDENDUM: Damn, damn, damn, I started composing this post this morning after reading the inspirational e-mail, but was unable to write it immediately because of a crazy little thing called work. I totally forgot to add a throwaway sentence after writing about being crushed under the stiletto'd boot... "I'll be in my bunk... er... bunker." This is why I'm not pulling down the big bux writing for a witty TeeVee sitcom (do any still exist?).

ADDENDUM TO THE ADDENDUM: Is an addendum beginning with "damn, damn, damn" and addendamn?

11 comments:

vacuumslayer said...

When the Islamopacalypse happens we will all have to wear dresses made of meat--and they will be Halal!!

M. Bouffant said...

Of course, I have no family (Sprang full-growed from Zeus's head or something.) but I never get this crap from people.

Indeed, other than a bozo who'd been a Marine & wanted to enlist in the French Foreign Legion (They turned him down for medical reasons, so he then joined the U.S. Army.) I can't think of any one I've worked w/ whom I ever talked serious politics. Let alone gave my e-mail address.

Livin' in the bubble/echo chamber.

Smut Clyde said...

"The Camel's Nose is Under the Tent!"

Under the tent? Not inside it? Evidently the camel is deluded and believes itself to be some sort of tunnelling animal, possibly a naked mole rat. Or an ostrich.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

1) The first thing I thought when I saw this post float up on the blogroll was "something something Mr. McGravitas".

2) I got one of these sent to every person on the annual golf debacle list. Usually I just roll my eyes and think "what other country can I move to, this one is so frickin' over." I couldn't help responding to "Obama is taking money from the people who create jobs to give to...blah blah" by pointing out we have the same Bush-Cheney rates that were in effect since 2003.

(Not much response after that.)
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

The first thing I thought when I saw this post float up on the blogroll was "something something Mr. McGravitas".

Something something Mr McGravitas,
That guy is always haulin' ass.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

IF that is his real name!
~

Substance McGravitas said...

WHERE IS THE VIDEO CONTENT? I DEMAND MY GAGA!

Smut Clyde said...

Here you go.

Smut Clyde said...

Imagine the stiletto'd bootheel of a cartoon sexpot stamping down on a human face... forever.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Imagine the stiletto'd bootheel of a cartoon sexpot stamping down on a human face... forever.

Rule 34!

Whale Chowder said...

Yes, we will be crushed under the stiletto'd bootheel of a cartoon sexpot, and an individual who is renowned for not wearing a lot of clothing will lead us into a Burqamerican dystopia.

Ooh, me first!