Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sing, O Muse

A couple of threads ago, vs raised the issue of "badonadonks" with this comment:

And by "dowry" I'll assume you mean badonkadonk.

My hasty supply, before the poetic muse kicked in was:

Bubeleh, I live within walking distance of the Bronx- badonkadonks are not in short supply!

Now, the poetic muse has infused me with inspiration:

The girls who live right here in Yonkers
Are so cute, they drive guys bonkers.
I live a stone's throw from the Bronx,
The home of big badonkadonks.
My problem is, you have my word,
That I'm a major, epic nerd.
To make my head go all a-whirl,
Ya gotta be a geeky girl!

That being said, I typically do really well on Superbowl Sunday. I head out to the local pub, and there are a lot of ladies drinking while watching big bastards of all sorts of follicular development bashing the hell out of each other. It's definitely a good night to go out. A couple of years back, I actually had my best "line" ever, when I started chatting up an extremely cute Nicaraguan girl whose friend was rather buxom:

"Most guys hit on my friend Jenny, because she's a lot bustier than I am."
"What do I look like, some kind of baby?"

That night, I must have been inspired by Chaterup, muse of pick-up lines.

16 comments:

Von said...

Great poem. I'm impressed.
Consider me picked up....

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Picked up nothing, you dug out?

Von said...

Oh, yeah. Chicago, the city that works! I park in the garage, and have a 4WD, not a problem for me.

vacuumslayer said...

*sigh* Nerds are hot.

Chaterup, muse of pick-up lines.

Ah, yes. The least well-known of The Muses. But my favorite, because she's not a fickle, abusive bitch.[pretentious!] As an artist [/pretentious!] I have had a long, torturous, volatile affair with every last of them.

Brando said...

LOL, that was a great response.

vacuumslayer said...

Can one have a "volatile" affair? Prolly not. But I was going for something...

Smut Clyde said...

Can one have a "volatile" affair?

I imagine it would involve huffing paint thinners.

vacuumslayer said...

Smut, how did you know I was such a cheap date?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Can one have a "volatile" affair?

If you're in the State Department- foreign affairs in the Middle East are pretty volatile these days.

The only time I ever messed around with a married woman, she was separated from her husband, but neglected to tell me that she was married. When I figured out what was going on (entering the apartment building through the laundry room was getting weird), I told her, "I never would have gone out with you if I'd known you were married."

Her response was, "I kinda figured that, that's why I didn't tell you."

Time for sayanora!

vacuumslayer said...

Ya know, when it comes to matters of the heart (or loins), I tend to be pretty not judgmental, being a flawed human being myself. But not being up front about your marital status is pretty damn shitty.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

But not being up front about your marital status is pretty damn shitty.

The worst part of it is, she was always questioning my sincerity. Our best exchange ever was:

"What are you thinking?"
"I have my hand down your pants, what do you think I'm thinking?"

vacuumslayer said...

"I have my hand down your pants, what do you think I'm thinking?"

Oh my! That IS an odd time to ask that question. I'd've taken the opportunity to say something dirty. But that's just me.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

That IS an odd time to ask that question.

When people aren't on the level, they tend to be overly suspicious.

vacuumslayer said...

True.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Oh my! That IS an odd time to ask that question.

But the emphasis is quite different, depending on which partner is saying which.

Smut Clyde said...

"What do I look like, some kind of baby?"

What with the baldness, it's an easy mistake to make.