Monday, April 29, 2013

One Conspiracy to in the Darkness Bind Them

Forget the Benghazi and Boston conspiracy theories, they are small potatoes compared to the über-conspiracy, the idea that extraterrestrials (or ultramondane extradimensional beings or time travelers from the future) have established a presence here on Earth that is being covered up by sinister agents of the world's governments. Seventy-odd years of a perfect conspiracy, with no screw-ups to give the game away? In some estimations, there have been eighty-odd years of an extraterrestrial conspiracy and coverup.

Today, though, marked the beginning of a series of non-official hearings to investigate the UFO conspiracy, a series of hearings given some gravy(train)tas (I mean, $20,000 honoraria?) by the presence of former legislators. Hopefully, this illustrious group will penetrate the fog that surrounds the UFO phenomenon. I, myself, want to know why the government is hiding all of the purple-haired moon babes:





Of course, on a serious note, the mere suggestion of such a mind-bogglingly enormous conspiracy is quite enough to distract creative people from investigating the real problems of the world, which are daunting enough. The very idea that there is an alien presence on the planet would ragard multiple conspiracies, multiple layers of deception. It's the great-grandpappy of all lesser conspiracies. Aren't purple-haired moon babes a sufficient distraction?

Now, I look forward to hearing from paleo, who is into the UFO phenomenon, zrm who is a sci-fi/robotics impressario, and mikey, who brings up the topic of physics, specifically how faster-than-light travel is impossible. For me personally, I feel that extraterrestrial life is a certainty... the discovery of planets around other stars is occurring simultaneously with the discovery of terrestrial life thriving under conditions previously thought hostile to life. I don't, however, believe that any spacefarers have visited our planet. While I believe the Drake Equation is an important cognitive exercise, I can't vouch for the soundness of the mathematical formulae. On the other hand, regarding the Gabrielle Drake Equation, the figures certainly add up.

8 comments:

Helmut Monotreme said...

Hey look! They've got a conspiracy theory that posits everything they don't like is ultimately the fault of malevolent inhuman entities and the actions of their traitorous human allies and their gullible human dupes? They imagine everything they don't like is a calculated personal assault on their freedom and ultimately their very humanity. They think they are dealing with a conspiracy so vast so subtle and so implacably malevolent that any action including revolution can be justified if it fights their enemies, who are after all, really one enemy with a thousand faces? Is there any chance that evidence to the contrary would bring them to their senses or will that too, just be evidence that the cover up is even bigger than they thought? Is there any evidence that their convention will be anything other than an echo chamber for the nuttiest willfully ignorant regressives that America has to offer?
Luckily we can rest easily knowing that our well-funded, efficient, and proactive public health infrastructure is keeping an eye on these people with a tenuous grasp of reality and our gun laws are so fair, so universally observed and quickly enforced that there's no chance any of these sad borderline cases could ever get their hands on dangerous weaponry or employ it in any violent fashion were they so armed.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Lizard People Isreal!
~

mikey said...

Seems to me all they need is the testimony of a decent physicist - Sean Carrol ought to do just fine, to explain that lightspeed travel would require infinite energy and in the entire universe the amount of energy is, unfortunately, finite. Then it's a simple matter to explain that interstellar travel takes hundreds or thousands of years one way, and how do you build something as huge and complex as a starship that will continue to function for all those centuries?

Also, note that the Drake equation contains no mathematical formulae whatsoever. It is a framework for thinking about the number of intelligent, communicating, spacefaring civilizations that might exist at any time. It is left as an exercise for the individual user to estimate the values for the variables in the equation - that is the challenge. What fascinates me is the last variable - the length of time an intelligent, communicating, spacefaring civilization would survive before becoming extinct. As we only have one sample to work with that number is wickedly hard to guess, but based on our single sample it appears to be on the order of decades or centuries before warfare, disease, greed and resource depletion wins out over clever animals...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I live on the Fashionable East Side. Purple-Haired Space Heads were quite common, especially in the 80's. May have been one myself, but there are no pictures to prove it.

I think the basic problem is they all grew up, moved to the burbs, had kids and bought minivans. That'll make ANYONE forget their extraterrestrial roots.

paleotectonics said...

Re: The Drake equation - at the time, during the original Order of the Dolphin meetings, Drake was clear that beyond the thought exercise, that the solving of each variable required yet new equations, and such. And yet, we can, while not claiming to have solved anything, start to create plausible answers to R (rate of star formation), percentage of stars that can create planets, and percentages of planets that have the potential chemistry have life as we know it (carbon or silicon based, due to bonding sites/valences - and yes, this offers up a whole nuke can of worms, what about other elements, what even would a silicon-based form look like, and I ain't'nt a scientist. Well, I am. Well, I have a degree in geology, so if I ran into a silicon based life form I'd hit it with a pick, unfortunate reaction, I blame muscle memory. Where was I?) The rest of Drake's equation is a philosophical mind-bender.

As for UFO's, I think the possibility that we have been 'visited' by travellers is slim, very slim, given at best a light-speed drive, and wormholes, a brilliant theoretical construct, unfortunately at this moment remain just that. I am perfectly comfortable, however, believing in ultra-terrestrials, alternate timelines and such. And no, not quantum woo - show me a crystal and I will hit it with a pick, muscle memory, etc. But I think that there are poor bastards existing with us poor bastards, showing up, confused, or those who have some control over their materialization and have been fucking with us as gods, angels, demons, ghosts. I refuse to believe that everyone throughout history reporting fairies or UFOs is necessarily stupid, insane, into the ergot, or dissembling.

Will the true answers ever be known? Slim possibilities, but unlikely.

Are these legislators holding this gravytas-conferring hearings operating in good faith? Not under any circumstances.

Can a real conspiracy the size of the moon-landing or trading cattle anuses for microwaves be kept secret for any length of time? Human beings.

Purple space babes? Please sir may I have another!

Are UFOs real? Yes. The question is, what are they.

Thus has paleo blithered. Flame away happily. I have broad shoulders and an enormous pe- capacity for reflection and consideration.

And penis.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Luckily we can rest easily knowing that our well-funded, efficient, and proactive public health infrastructure is keeping an eye on these people with a tenuous grasp of reality and our gun laws are so fair, so universally observed and quickly enforced that there's no chance any of these sad borderline cases could ever get their hands on dangerous weaponry or employ it in any violent fashion were they so armed.

"Dibs" on the plasma rifle! Most of the UFO aficianados seem to be new agey types, none of them seem to be violent, to my knowledge.

Lizard People Isreal!

Never seen no "I like Icke" buttons.

Seems to me all they need is the testimony of a decent physicist - Sean Carrol ought to do just fine, to explain that lightspeed travel would require infinite energy and in the entire universe the amount of energy is, unfortunately, finite. Then it's a simple matter to explain that interstellar travel takes hundreds or thousands of years one way, and how do you build something as huge and complex as a starship that will continue to function for all those centuries?

I think a lot of them would talk about "zero point energy" and other mumbo-jumbo, and claim that there is repression of information. Obviously, a traditional physicist would be in thrall to the conspiracy.

I refuse to believe that everyone throughout history reporting fairies or UFOs is necessarily stupid, insane, into the ergot, or dissembling.

I think a lot of it is pattern recognition and our talent for anthropomorphizing. We love to seek explanations, and we "imprint" a humanocentric template on what we perceive. I don't think that any extraterrestrials would look as much like us as the infamous "Greys" do. A couple of years before I started my job, one new hire didn't last a night because he saw a "ghost" on the property. He was so freaked out, he ran the red light outside the parking lot in his haste to GTFO. In the near-seven years I've been here, I ain't seen nothin' I couldn't explain in mundane fashion.

Thus has paleo blithered. Flame away happily. I have broad shoulders and an enormous pe- capacity for reflection and consideration.

No flames here, paleo! I love this sort of stuff, and I am 100% behind your interest in inquiry. I am more of the skeptic, but we could totally jaw on about gigantopithecine survivals and extramundane entities over a beer or six.

Smut Clyde said...

they all grew up, moved to the burbs, had kids and bought minivans. That'll make ANYONE forget their extraterrestrial roots.

Hey now. Some of us had subterrestrial roots.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Check it out: just saw a purple haired space cadet walk by my window. Some things never change.

To be fair, her hair had streaks of teal and white also. Call it an updated Space Babe.