In my last post, I broke the odious Bryan Fischer's take on the Newton school massacre down to its essence:
"The gun is good, the penis is evil!"
In this post, I will examine an entirely different right-wing perspective on the Newton massacre, that of the equally odious Charlotte Allen, a member of the thankfully rare right-wing Ladies Against Women... a successor to Phyllis Schlafly, who famously traveled around the country telling audiences that women should stay at home. In a piece posted at America's Shittiest Website, Allen blamed the shooting on the "feminization" of the Sandy Hook School:
There was not a single adult male on the school premises when the shooting occurred. In this school of 450 students, a sizeable number of whom were undoubtedly 11- and 12-year-old boys (it was a K-6 school), all the personnel - the teachers, the principal, the assistant principal, the school psychologist, the "reading specialist" - were female. There didn't even seem to be a male janitor to heave his bucket at Adam Lanza's knees. Women and small children are sitting ducks for mass-murderers. The principal, Dawn Hochsprung, seemed to have performed bravely. According to reports, she activated the school's public-address system and also lunged at Lanza, before he shot her to death. Some of the teachers managed to save all or some of their charges by rushing them into closets or bathrooms. But in general, a feminized setting is a setting in which helpless passivity is the norm. Male aggression can be a good thing, as in protecting the weak - but it has been forced out of the culture of elementary schools and the education schools that train their personnel. Think of what Sandy Hook might have been like if a couple of male teachers who had played high-school football, or even some of the huskier 12-year-old boys, had converged on Lanza.
Shorter Allen: "The gun is good, the penis is bulletproof!"
Of course, Allen ignores the obvious- if there had been one less man on site, none of those children would have been killed... but I digress. In Allen's world, the heroics of the three women who sacrificed their lives to save children is unimpressive. If there had been men on site, the shooting would have been thwarted by the manly, aggressive men... or husky manish boys.
You see, men are more bullet resistant than women... women have soft, succulent flesh that is easily penetrated... uhhh... IBIMB. Whoa, where was I before I was distracted by soft, succulent flesh? This reminds me, leg of lamb is on sale at ShopRite... Oh, yes, talking about Charlotte Fucking Allen and her lady-hatin' ways. Of course, getting back to the flesh for a moment, Pupienus Maximus would beg to differ with me about the ease with which men could be penetrated. Whoa, another digression... would a husky 12-year-old boy really be any more bullet resistant than, say, a Chunky Reese Witherspoon? As I seem to recall, Chunky Reese Witherspoon was not penetrated- maybe Ross Douthat would have had more luck with a husky 12-year-old boy... it is irresponsible not to speculate.
Getting back to the subject at hand, Allen's self-loathing misogyny denigrates the mind-boggling heroism of Mary Sherlach, Dawn Hochsprung, and Victoria Soto. In her desperation to blame anything but the bloodthirsty gun culture (which may soon claim more lives than our negligent car culture), she perpetrates a calumny against all women. To think that a man with a bucket, a fucking bucket, could have accomplished more than the three brave women who were martyred to gun nuttery, is ludicrous and vicious.
It would not be reasonable to assume that, in Charlotte Allen's twisted world, a penis somehow provides magical protective powers to its owner. I guess I'm not quite as much of a man as those in Charlotte's fantasies, I've never blocked a bullet with my cock... I do occasionally use it to crack walnuts, though.
Of course, the preceding post is firmly in the Bastardian tradition of coping snark. I tend to cope with stress and horror through snark and gallows humor- I like my humor like I like my coffee and my presidents, black.