Monday, August 27, 2012

Obama's Weather Smurfing Machine

On a hunch, I decided to see what a particular brand of kooks was saying about Hurricane Isaac, which has been disrupting the schedule for the impending GOP convention. Sure enough, some of the conspiracy nuts are claiming that Obama is using "weather control" technology to disrupt the convention.

The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program is a facility which is designed to allow studies of the Earth's ionosphere, in an attempt to promote the development of better communications and navigation systems. The centerpiece of the research facility is a high power, high frequency radio transmitter. To a normal human being, furthering knowledge of the ionosphere is a laudable goal, especially if it results in GPS systems which are more effective.

To the paranoid lunatic fringe, though, HAARP is a combination death ray, earthquake inducer, and weather control device. It's like a Swiss Army Doombringer- able to rain 57 varieties of death and destruction on a largely unsuspecting world. As a added bonus for the nutters, this high-tech Fist of the Illuminati utilizes super secret devices developed by Nikola Tesla. To the conspiracy nutters, Tesla is a one-man Mi-Go Weird Science R&D department. There's got to be a Godwin's Law equivalent here- as a thread on a conspiracy theory message board gets longer, the possibility that Tesla's name will be invoked becomes greater...

So, the Kenyan (or possibly Reptilian) usurper is up to his tricks, using secret Tesla technology to disrupt his opponents in order to bring about a Socialist New World Order with a weather smurfing machine. This plot was forshadowed in a 1980s cartoon, in which a worker in a socialist community built a weather control machine to foster the community's dire plot to subjugate the world. Peyo was prescient- the socialist men under their red father (aka Barack "Papa Smurf" Obama) have a real, genuine weather smurfing machine, and they're not afraid to use it!





And don't even get me started on what the queers are doing to the soil!

7 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

To the paranoid lunatic fringe, though, HAARP is a combination death ray, earthquake inducer, and weather control device.

I saw that movie, too!

P.S. Rmoney is the Reptiloid.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

One of the last of the vinyl to be digitized was Bucky Fellini.

mikey said...

Well, duh.

I mean, how else would you expect to see hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico in the last week of August? Hmmm?

I mean, clearly somebody's up to something here, right?

Von said...

I liked this post, and then I loved it when I got to the Smurfs. Those sassy little three apples high blue dudes.

Another Kiwi said...

Wrong move Obama, sunny weather for these kooks so that they can get all sweaty in there.

Substance McGravitas said...

Where can I find one of those Swiss Army Doombringers? Asking for a friend.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

P.S. Rmoney is the Reptiloid.

Would that make the half-black/half-white Obama a Grey? **DUCKS**

One of the last of the vinyl to be digitized was Bucky Fellini.

Nice- how long has it taken?

I mean, how else would you expect to see hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico in the last week of August? Hmmm?

Yeah, right? Who'da thunk it?

I liked this post, and then I loved it when I got to the Smurfs. Those sassy little three apples high blue dudes.

It was pretty smurfy, eh?

Wrong move Obama, sunny weather for these kooks so that they can get all sweaty in there.

They'll get sweaty anyway, even with the A/C blasting.

Where can I find one of those Swiss Army Doombringers? Asking for a friend.

First you need a volcano lair.