Go Ahead, Make My Car!

Although I did not watch the Super Bowl last night, I did watch Clint Eastwood's Chrysler ad on the portable binary numbers mill. Well, the ad had at least one right-wing cobag (and the cobaggiest cobag of all) whining like a bratty kindergartner. I imagine the right-wing blogosphere is awash in butthurt and garment rending. I think the real cause for these bad fee fees is that conservatives tend to be drawn to the sort of movies that Eastwood has starred in and directed and they consider the reliably Republican Eastwood to be one of the fold. Hell, even his best known tough-guy line was co-opted by conservatives' tutelary demigod.

That's some betrayal, so Eastwood must be excommunicated from the Conservative Movement, the members of which have never been fans of his movies.

I want to suggest, just like President Obama is a Manchurian candidate, a Kenyan born Muslim elevated by a conspiracy so prescient and far reaching that it faked his birth announcement in Hawaiian newspapers in 1961 just so he could become President in the 21st Century in order to destroy America, I have come to the belief that Clint Eastwood has always been a Manchurian candidate to destroy Movement Conservatism. Born during the Great Depression, CLINTON Eastwood would have been bombarded with pro-New Deal, pro-FDR propaganda throughout his youth. He would go on to co-opt the image of the heroic American gunslinger and frontiersman in order to lull Middle Americans into a false sense of comfort. In the 1960's, Eastwood traveled to Italy to work with a socialist turned anarchist, collaborating on a series of films which subverted American and capitalist (although I am being redundant here) ideals. After his return from his Italian socialist indoctrination, he would go on the star in a series of films in which he seems to embody the perfect right-wing law and order stereotype (although everyone knows that conservatives are all about the "rule of law for thee, not me"). Even as the character of Dirty Harry seemed to embody an almost cartoonish "tough on crime, tougher on criminals" archetype, such left-wing themes as a denunciation of "shoot first, don't bother asking questions later" vigilantism crept into the series. Eastwood even went so far as to satirize the school lunch policy of the sainted Reagan:





Another of Eastwood's acclaimed films, portrayed honest mining industry moguls as heartless land-grabbers and murderers. Commie Eastwood took the side of the squatters, rather than the Randian supermen and job creators.

Eastwood's always been a pinko socialist infiltrator, aping the ways of true Americans. It's just now, when the mask has slipped, and he has backed the Kenyan Usurper's Big Government car bailout, that the true, red-blooded Conservative can see the truth... that he has never been a Clint Eastwood fan.