Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Antifa Souper Soldiers!!!

The figure of the antifa super-soldier has been a boogeyman of the right for almost three years.  In true fascist fashion, as outlined by Umberto Eco, this boogeyman is portrayed as simultaneously being a weak soy-boy and a brutal killer.  

Well, now the antifa super-soldiers have received an upgrade, and are now antifa souper-soldiers:

Ah, yes, progressives weaponizing Progresso... If the leftist hordes want to create false flag attacks to frame MAGA minions, they can chuck cans of Goya products at their foes, black beans for black bloc, if you will. Of course, this weaponization of soup, particularly the stockpiling of big bags of soup in strategic locations is a worrisome development, and Ted Cruz should be taken into custody as the world's least interesting Person of Interest.

5 comments:

The New York Crank said...

I'm sorry, but your post is a complete violation of the Official Antifa Handbook, which clearly states on page 166, Chapter 17, Section III, Paragraph 9 that — and I quote — "Only cans of soup shall be thrown at cops, and never cans of black beans, the sale of which are likely to enrich anti-progressive elements such as the reactionary chairman of Goya. Further, said soup cans shall preferably be some whitebread flavor from some whitebread company. Campbells Cream of Tomato is a good example."

Now please, put on your black trench coat and your black fedora and your black mask, fill your bag with soup, and get with the program. The plane leaves in ten minutes.

Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank



Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

But I look so bad, so bad in black, like a brainiac.

bowtiejack said...

" . . progressives weaponizing Progresso... "

You get extra points for that.

Ali Redford said...

A million thumbs-up for The NY Crank and BBBB!! (I still want to plus things, but oh, well.✨ )

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Thanks for the accolades! There's a joke to be made about a stock of weaponized soup cans...