Saturday, May 5, 2012

Cinco de Mao

This post is a response to a post by the dumbest man on the internet, but not the post you think it is... The guy who puts the MO in moron is making a big deal about President Barack Hussein Obama "officially" starting his re-election campaign on Karl Marx' birthday. As an aside, does everything have to have a hidden significance in Wingnut World? Is everything a plot, or are there such things as coincidence, or luck, or the blind mechanism of nature? No wonder these nutbars don't believe in evolution. But I digress... the intrepid Food Porn Emperor dove into the fetid swamp and brought up a hilarious tidbit of tomfoolery:

Now we know why Cinco de Mayo is suddenly a big holiday. It’s all about celebrating Karl Marx! Sounds like the work of La Raza, doesn’t it? Well, not all of us are fooled so they can take their holiday and shove it up their you know what!

Yes, Cinco de Mayo is a Marxist plot, not a ploy by booze distributors to sell off truckloads of beer and tequila. Once again, we have the opposite of Occam's Razor at play (Rozar's Macco, anyone?), the simple explanation is to be eschewed in favor of the convoluted plot.

Yeah, the Mexicans, or shall I say Marxicans, have emigrated to the United States in order to bring down the capitalist system from within. You may think the the Capitalist Randian Supermen have been hiring undocumented Mexican immigrants in order to increase their profits by undermining organized labor and undercutting wages, but you'd be WRONG!!! The Marxicans are using their commie mind control powers to delude the Job Creators into hiring them so they can all quit en masse, or should I say como un grupo and bring down the economic system. In an insult to the Sainted Ayn Rand, who died for America's sins of altruism and a welfare state, the Marxicans are using the term vayando Galto to describe this mexodus.

It gets worse, there are reports, albeit from "non-traditional researchers" of Red Chinese troops massing in Mexico. In fact, it's probable that the Marxicans are ACTUALLY Chinese, with their shared fondness for jade and hot peppers. I suspect that the Mexicans and Chinese have been hatching a trans-Beringian plot to destroy the U.S. for the past 20,000 years.

Lately, this twenty-millennia war has come to a head. The Mexicans, in concert with the Arabs have been setting off sultry sex bombs in the U.S. to soften up (while, paradoxically, hardening) the American Male's ability to resist the Marxican onslaught. Yes, the Marxicans are also on the vanguard of Islamofascism, sheeple... today, it's the harmless, Christian sounding tacos al pastor, but tomorrow, you'll be living in a shawarma, sharia shadow of the the former U.S.of A.

The Wolves have been at the door for almost four decades now:

If that video didn't wake you up, nothing will! Laugh it up all you want, but the Mexicans, the Islamists, and the Communists are conspiring to destroy the U.S.A., and don't even get me started on what the queers are doing to the soil! Sure, celebrate Cinco de Mao, sheeple, but remember that, with each body shot, you're undermining the body politic!

I like you, dear readers, you're not like the other people, here, in the trailer park.


Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Crazy ass, it is only because your trailer is the Kingdom of the Molemen that you are safe.

Kingdom of the Molemen? KINGDOM OF THE MOLEMEN?!?!? I'm ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!

Vixen Strangely said...

Okay, you have no reason to know this was actual me-bait, quoting the Dead Milkmen (Philadelphia-based), and whatnot. I still consider it a shame I never got in to see the Dead Milkmen at the Troc when I was 17--although I was totally old enough to get in, but couldn't score a ride. Bummers. But that said, I think Cinco de Mayo is mostly just another drinking holiday for US-icans. People who think Cuervo 1800 is premium tequila and have a night of fun at Chili's have no way of knowing they're part of the problem.

But they are. I just said so. So they are.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...


Dr.KennethNoisewater said...

I may never forgive you for "Marxicans" because I wish I'd thought of it myself. Yer too funny.