Sunday, February 26, 2012

Too Bad He Can't Buy Friends

Gotta feel sorry for Mitt Romney, who, even with all his millions, can't buy friends. He's got nice hair, he's a pretty good simulacrum of a generically handsome boring upper class twit, but he's utterly devoid of charisma. If the day came when he felt a natural emotion, he'd get such a shock he'd probably jump in the ocean. The funny thing about Romney the Faux Man is that he's such a priggish, emotionless stiff that his ill-advised attempts at folksiness crash to earth like a lead zeppelin (and not the good kind). All of his efforts to avoid seeming aloof and contemptous merely serve to make him seem clueless and moronic. Shit, the guy can't even suck up to a crowd correctly. Here he is, blathering the sort of platitudes that he could have picked up from briefly scanning a guidebook:





I'm reminded of a conversation, in which a girl I marginally knew found out that a guy was from St. Louis, and she immediately piped up, "St. Louis? Great barbecue!" For some reason, it sounded like such a canned response that my college roommate was doubled up with laughter. If the guy had been from New Orleans, she would've said, "Love those crawdads!" Mitt would probably have thought that a bon mot, and filed it away for future use. At least Mitt's catalogue of likes has improved in the past few months:





Romney's stupid speech reminded some wags of a movie that I've never seen (Will Ferrell kinda creeps me out):





Me? I was reminded of one of the worst songs ever written, a parody of an even worse song:





At least Mitt likes things... his primary opponent (WARNING: It's that link) hates things... hell, he even hates the Dutch:





Funny, the Netherlands must have changed a hell of a lot since last I've been there... could it be that the little cafe by the harbor is now Death Panel Central?

8 comments:

vacuumslayer said...

I'm heartsick other people have picked up on the "I love lamp" thing. As soon as I heard him make that awkward speech, I was like "OMG, it's Brick Tamland!" And I'm pretty sure I thought it before anyone else. ;)

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Rmoney does pretty good (for a Reptiloid).
~

Laura said...

OMG.. have you guys not picked a Republican leader YET????? Hit on the head with a hammer and wake me up when it's all over.

I do have to admit to laughing my "a" off over the parody of the "I Like" song. Sorry, I'm just in that kind of mood today. :P

((Hugs))
Laura

Laura said...

*ahem*
hit *ME* on the head.. (it should have read)

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Mitt's speech to a cavernously empty Ford Field was also precious.

Press put the attendance at 1200. At MPS, someone estimated 20 rows at 50 seats each, which is reasonable, but when you see the shots from the back, the rows were hardly 50% full. Hell, even the front row had empty seats.

750 people. To see a Presnitial candidate. There were more people to see the Mekons. In Milwaukee.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

If it is possible for someone with that much money and pre-apprval to punt the thing to a horror-show like Santorum, Mitt has convinced me that he's good enough, he's smart enough, and gosh darn it, people don't like him!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

And I'm pretty sure I thought it before anyone else.

I think it's time to bust someone's head for doing the stealation.

Rmoney does pretty good (for a Reptiloid).

Yeah, he doesn's swallow live squirrels whole, and that's a start.

I do have to admit to laughing my "a" off over the parody of the "I Like" song.

You laughed your "a" off? Which "a"? Are you now Lura, or are you now Laur?

hit *ME* on the head.. (it should have read)

Hit "me" on the head,
It should have read.
I'm not a psycho,
It's just a typo!

I'm just in that kind of mood today, too.

750 people. To see a Presnitial candidate. There were more people to see the Mekons. In Milwaukee.

Too bad they're not running. The country could use a socialist punk/country collective in charge.

If it is possible for someone with that much money and pre-apprval to punt the thing to a horror-show like Santorum, Mitt has convinced me that he's good enough, he's smart enough, and gosh darn it, people don't like him!

He thinks he's smart, he has himself convinced that he's a self-made man, even though his father was rich and high profile. He's even worse than Bush in this regard. Mitt, simply put, is a male Marie Antoinette.

Substance McGravitas said...

The Shaggs from when they kinda learned to play. A little.