Tuesday, June 7, 2011

With Apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

In light of new scholarship, it's time to update to an old classic:


Listen my children, an I shall tell,
Of Paul Revere and his freedom bell.
The British were coming, gun owners beware!
So Paul saddled Sarah, his pure snow-white mare.

He rode town to town ringing freedom alarms,
And said to the British, "You can't take our arms!"
He said to the British, "In this land of ours,
We won't bow and scrape to your socialist czars!"

He'd ride into town with a jounce and a jolt,
And deftly unholster his trusty old Colt,
He'd aim for the steeple, so tall and so proud,
And shoot at the church bell, the clang would be loud.

The bell that he shot gave an ear-splitting "ding".
He'd say, "Shove off, limeys, and go tell your king
We won't be disarmed by some powder-wigged twits.
You won't pry our guns from our cold and dead mitts!"

He'd shout to the British, so loud and so clear,
"You can't have my gun, and my name's Paul Revere!
I've come here to tell you by bells and by shots,
You can't grab our guns, you old red-coated snots!"

His mare was as strong as the Lion of Judah,
As fierce and as swift as the bright barracuda.
He rode out of town with a wave of his gun,
And said to his snow-white mare, "Run, Sarah, run!"

And that is my tale, kids, but better not look,
The story's not found in a history book.
Beware of the tales of that old lamestream media,
They're socialist lies that the Obots will feed ya!


I think I'll bask in my self-satisfied snarkliciousness for a while. Sometime later this week, I'll put up a serious post about a young lady who is largely unknown outside of the Hudson Valley, but who should be known throughout the country as a national heroine and a true feminist icon.

7 comments:

vacuumslayer said...

", I'll put up a serious post about a young lady who is largely unknown outside of the Hudson Valley, but who should be known throught the country as a national heroine and a true feminist icon."


Stop it! You'll make me blush!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

From teh comments at Drudge2.0:

Elevating Michele Bachman on the back of Sarah Palin is a terrible strategy and I believe one destined to fail.

One cannot ignore the vast following of Sarah Palin, which includes me.

Michele Bachman is an excellent candidate, but there has to be a strategy that allows the 2 to compliment one another.

Posted By: Colorado Bob | June 07, 2011 at 11:37 AM

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Another Kiwi said...

Mr. Bastard does a nice poem. 'Twits' and 'mitts'. I'm so stealing that!

Woah! Colorado Bob, so much correct spelling! Better have a lie down, dude.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

2 compliments, 1 gooper primary.
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Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Stop it! You'll make me blush!

1 if by hand, 2 if by Photoshop.

Mr. Bastard does a nice poem. 'Twits' and 'mitts'. I'm so stealing that!

Praise from Caesar! Thankye, old chum!

2 compliments, 1 gooper primary.

2 churls, 1 GOP

Smut Clyde said...

about a young lady who is largely unknown outside of the Hudson Valley

Your limerick starts promisingly but then abandons the usual meter completely.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Your limerick starts promisingly but then abandons the usual meter completely.

about a young lady who's largely unknown
Her sister is famous, albeit a clone.
She said, "Hey, you freak,
You're hardly unique.
I'd be better off all alone."

Needs work...