With the Sounds of Sodomy... It seems that a right-wing christianist organization has distributed anti-gay leaflets asking "Should children be exposed to the sounds of sodomy?" Hilarity ensued... Being a snarky Bastard, I don't want to be left out!
Hello penis, my old friend,
I'm sticking you in a rear end.
And as I'm straining at a fundament,
I hear the clergy and the prudes lament,
That the sex acts, I perform
In my bedroom, lead to doom.
Listen! The sounds of sodomy.
On sweaty sheets, I will butt-bone,
Hear my partner start to moan.
'Neath the glow of a fluorescent tube,
I realize I should have used more lube.
When I heard my partner
Crying out in pain, due to strain.
Echoing sounds of sodomy.
And when I empty out my balls,
It echoes down good christian halls,
And a kid will ask his parent,
What the grunting in Flat 4B meant.
When they hear my "O" they will surely get confused,
Mom's not amused.
Mysterious sounds of sodomy!
Manichean dichotomy: Evil and good sodomy.
Clerics feeling up the congregants,
"Laying hands" upon the faithful's pants.
Your wife won't blow, you can get
An annulment stat. Fancy that!
Church-approved sounds of sodomy!
Religious fanatics don't have a sense of humor, but they provide so much unintentional amusement. Apparently no organization now wants to take the credit for this hilariously backfiring campaign. What's no so funny is the religious right's attempt to interfere with the private lives of everyone, even non-believers. The best weapon against authoritarians is mockery, and mockery they got.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Happy Three Kings' Day
Today was the Feast of the Epiphany, the 12th day of Christmas, on which many European and Latin American peoples exchange gifts. My mom's new next-door neighbors are immigrants from Mexico (who have two U.S. born children). Mom gave them a batch of cookies on Christmas Day. Tonight, after dinner, the kids paid her a visit and gave her a potted orchid as a gift. Mom has a knack with plants- many times, she has nurtured "gift" poinsettias until they attained the status of small shrubs. I expect this orchid will be taking up much of her living room in a few months.
Mom also has a knack for making friends with the neighbors, always has, and blossoming friendships are even better than orchids.
Mom also has a knack for making friends with the neighbors, always has, and blossoming friendships are even better than orchids.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Bring Back the Sumptuary Laws!
In the past week, we've had Fox talking heads criticizing a guy who makes six figures and is a bestselling author for dining in a fancy restaurant, and an Oklamhoma law that will ban the wearing of hooded sweatshirts under certain circumstances. These two felons felines would be so busted if they were in Oklahoma:
In both cases, the uproar concerns "those people" consuming goods and services that white people can consume without censure. I doubt that the black hoodie/cat bed that I own would cause me to be stopped and/or shot in an Oklahoma convenience store. I doubt that Mitt Romney would be censured for dining in a fancy restaurant to celebrate the New Year, though he's the sort of barbaric cult member who'd drink Diet Coke with his chateaubriand. At any rate, I fully expect a Fox "pundit" to call for the return of sumptuary laws to prevent "those people", such as the most powerful man in the world, from owning or consuming goods or services that are meant for the heaven-ordained masters of the universe, even those who drink Diet Coke with their chateaubriand.
In both cases, the uproar concerns "those people" consuming goods and services that white people can consume without censure. I doubt that the black hoodie/cat bed that I own would cause me to be stopped and/or shot in an Oklahoma convenience store. I doubt that Mitt Romney would be censured for dining in a fancy restaurant to celebrate the New Year, though he's the sort of barbaric cult member who'd drink Diet Coke with his chateaubriand. At any rate, I fully expect a Fox "pundit" to call for the return of sumptuary laws to prevent "those people", such as the most powerful man in the world, from owning or consuming goods or services that are meant for the heaven-ordained masters of the universe, even those who drink Diet Coke with their chateaubriand.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Spambot Christmas Miracle?
Have you ever had a spam comment which was so utterly, bafflingly perfect that you couldn't bear to delete it? Looking through my comments page, I discovered this gorgeous comment on a two and a half year old post of mine:
Merry Christmass. Looky here...
Precisely why I had our ‘philanthropic + epiphany’ (=so much to give + vision): wanna see a perfectly cognizant, fully-spectacular, Son-ripened-Heaven?? … yet, I’m not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw. Greetings, earthling. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like: meet this advanced, bombastic, ex-mortal Upstairs for the most juvenile-lip-service, ultra-groovy, picturesque-paradox, pleasure-beyond-measure, Ultra-Yummy-Reality-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-some-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué-passion you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-smmmokin’-hot-deal enveloping, engulfing our catch-22-excitotoxins. Cya soon, girl
PS "I Am the One who runs the world. You're here to prepare for Heaven. You cannot make it to the Great Beyond on your own." -Jesus ...and I, as a sinfull mortal, help in this symbiotic relationship: take part in this glorious, Christmas gift; this wonderFULL, Heavenly Kingdom that we may live forever. God bless you with discernment.
I'm not 100% sure if it's a spambot... there's no sales pitch of any sort. If it's a genuine apostolic message, then this is the sort of religious fervor I can tolerate... "engulfing our catch-22-excitotoxins" is a lot more appealing than hating on gay people and non-believers.
Pax vobiscum, Dr. kold_kadavr_flatliner, MD, the sub/dude, even if you are a spambot!
Merry Christmass. Looky here...
Precisely why I had our ‘philanthropic + epiphany’ (=so much to give + vision): wanna see a perfectly cognizant, fully-spectacular, Son-ripened-Heaven?? … yet, I’m not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw. Greetings, earthling. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like: meet this advanced, bombastic, ex-mortal Upstairs for the most juvenile-lip-service, ultra-groovy, picturesque-paradox, pleasure-beyond-measure, Ultra-Yummy-Reality-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-some-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué-passion you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-smmmokin’-hot-deal enveloping, engulfing our catch-22-excitotoxins. Cya soon, girl
PS "I Am the One who runs the world. You're here to prepare for Heaven. You cannot make it to the Great Beyond on your own." -Jesus ...and I, as a sinfull mortal, help in this symbiotic relationship: take part in this glorious, Christmas gift; this wonderFULL, Heavenly Kingdom that we may live forever. God bless you with discernment.
I'm not 100% sure if it's a spambot... there's no sales pitch of any sort. If it's a genuine apostolic message, then this is the sort of religious fervor I can tolerate... "engulfing our catch-22-excitotoxins" is a lot more appealing than hating on gay people and non-believers.
Pax vobiscum, Dr. kold_kadavr_flatliner, MD, the sub/dude, even if you are a spambot!
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Eat Like a Leopard Seal
At a recent party I attended, the hostess assembled some whimsically creative appetizers:
In (hopefully) uncharacteristic fashion, it took me a while to figure out what the little "penguins" were made of- a glimpse across the room had me wondering if they were some sort of confections. Thankfully, I was able to suss out the truth as soon as I got up close to them.
Being a big fan of the olive in all of its permutations (even as an improvised weapon, which brings us back to penguins), I scarfed these little things down as if I were a ravenous leopard seal:
Or a marine videographer...
It could have been a lot worse, I wasn't acting like a fur seal.
In (hopefully) uncharacteristic fashion, it took me a while to figure out what the little "penguins" were made of- a glimpse across the room had me wondering if they were some sort of confections. Thankfully, I was able to suss out the truth as soon as I got up close to them.
Being a big fan of the olive in all of its permutations (even as an improvised weapon, which brings us back to penguins), I scarfed these little things down as if I were a ravenous leopard seal:
Or a marine videographer...
It could have been a lot worse, I wasn't acting like a fur seal.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Addio Zio Mario
Soon after putting up my last, insubstantial post, I checked out the news to discover that quintessential New York liberal Mario Cuomo has died. While I was really too young to appreciate "Uncle Mario", as my mom would facetiously refer to him, while he was governor, his legacy as a liberal giant who stood up for working people and assiduously opposed the death penalty, was something I came to admire. Roy, an astute observer of all things New York as well as All Things political, posted a wonderful memorial and Jimmy Vielkind of Capital New York wrote a beautiful wrap-up of other political figures' remembrances of the man.
In 1983, Governor Cuomo spoke out against the inhumane "small government" policies of Ronald Reagan (which really boiled down to small government for the little guy, and a huge defense boondoggle, naturally):
“Of course, we should have only the government we need. But we must have..all the government we need. A society as blessed as ours should be able to find..shelter for the homeless, work for the idle, care for the elderly and infirm, and hope for the destitute.”
He expanded on this theme in his speech at the 1984 Democratic National Convention:
Thirty and a half years later, this speech sounds as timely as ever. Sadly, Governor Cuomo's son, Governor Cuomo, has decided to cast himself as a "Republican lite", all too eager to embrace the "austerity" route. I think Andrew lost his way somewhere between Albany and Albany.
Rest in peace, Zio Mario, you were a liberal titan, the like of which we need now more desperately than ever. Addio!
In 1983, Governor Cuomo spoke out against the inhumane "small government" policies of Ronald Reagan (which really boiled down to small government for the little guy, and a huge defense boondoggle, naturally):
“Of course, we should have only the government we need. But we must have..all the government we need. A society as blessed as ours should be able to find..shelter for the homeless, work for the idle, care for the elderly and infirm, and hope for the destitute.”
He expanded on this theme in his speech at the 1984 Democratic National Convention:
Thirty and a half years later, this speech sounds as timely as ever. Sadly, Governor Cuomo's son, Governor Cuomo, has decided to cast himself as a "Republican lite", all too eager to embrace the "austerity" route. I think Andrew lost his way somewhere between Albany and Albany.
Rest in peace, Zio Mario, you were a liberal titan, the like of which we need now more desperately than ever. Addio!
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Not Going to Do a 2014 Retrospective, With One Exception
So, it's the first day of 2015... nothing feels different, not that anything should. 2014 was a pretty "meh" year- although there was a groundswell of populism concerning police brutality, there was no political groundswell last November, so Congress will be dumber than ever. Thanks, Obama voters!
There were a couple of stories which didn't pan out as earthshaking events- Ebola? What's that? All-in-all, a pretty "meh" year. I'm trying to think if there was anything out of the ordinary in the realm of pop culture. I can't really think of too many top notch songs released in 2014, with one notable exception. Back in October, the band TV on the Radio (hilariously described by a local DJ as the most "Brooklyn" band out there) released their amazing song Happy Idiot:
The video is a gem, featuring "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_Racer>Speed Racer" iconography, the band dressed in visually arresting style, a cameo by Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens, and the unearthly Karen Gillan (seriously, her hair should win a special effects Oscar). I've never been an MTV kid (I was a child of the radio), but this video makes for compelling watching. I can truthfully say that the only thing not on my 2014 "meh" list is this song.
There were a couple of stories which didn't pan out as earthshaking events- Ebola? What's that? All-in-all, a pretty "meh" year. I'm trying to think if there was anything out of the ordinary in the realm of pop culture. I can't really think of too many top notch songs released in 2014, with one notable exception. Back in October, the band TV on the Radio (hilariously described by a local DJ as the most "Brooklyn" band out there) released their amazing song Happy Idiot:
The video is a gem, featuring "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_Racer>Speed Racer" iconography, the band dressed in visually arresting style, a cameo by Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens, and the unearthly Karen Gillan (seriously, her hair should win a special effects Oscar). I've never been an MTV kid (I was a child of the radio), but this video makes for compelling watching. I can truthfully say that the only thing not on my 2014 "meh" list is this song.
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