Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Running Errands Buzzed

The best thing about living in a neighborhood with a vibrant commercial district is that you can walk to just about any store to buy the necessities. Today being my day off, the only blessed thing I had to do all day was buy, as the owner of the hardware store put it, a flapper for my crapper. Today being my day off, after I took a lunchtime "constitutional", I poured myself a nice, fat fake gin and tonic when I got home. Remembering my plumbing errand, I headed out while I still had a decent buzz on.

My first stop was the bank, where I took out some cashola so I could make my necessary purchase, and other purchases that would be necessary later in the week. I crossed the main commercial street and stopped in the local butcher shop to see if they had any Cornish pasties- I settled for a Scotch egg, and got a house-made black pudding for later in the week. As an aside, the children of the butcher shop proprietor are so good-looking that I wouldn't be surprised to learn that half of the customers are vegetarians. Funny, I am now picturing lovelorn high schoolers saving their pennies so they can buy pork chops for the family, just so they could chat up the counter help. After making these purchases, I headed to the bakery to buy a sfogliatelle and a lemon ice to go. I then re-crossed the street to hit the pizzeria for a finger-sized pepperoni twist and a broccoli twist. As I was waiting for these diminutive snacks to come out of the oven, enjoying my lemon ice, I looked out the window, right at the hardware store. Holy friggin' mission creep! I had gotten totally distracted in my buzzed state.

I had to re-cross the avenue to get to the hardware store, where the proprietor (who was smoking a cigarette indoors- you'd never see that at a big chain) made the "flapper for the crapper" joke and led me, like Aeneas led Dante, to the plumbing section.

When I got home, I debated whether or not I should mix another drink, but I decided that I really shouldn't "plumb" while buzzed. It took all of thirty seconds to replace the flapper... then I washed my hands and fixed myself another stiff drink. While I was reluctant to work while buzzed, I figure I could always post while buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I had half the limoncello bottle the day you left here.

It was so tasty!

Next morning, I found that this was a little more than was wise.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Next morning, I found that this was a little more than was wise.

Sorry, old chum! I thought I gave you a better disclaimer... I usually tell people to keep it away from open flames. I bottle it at about 50% potency- more than a lot of straight vodkas. Last night, I was hanging out with my old landlord and three shots, with beer chasers, did him in. Luckily, we were at his place, the infamous "Beach House Without an Ocean" where we lived with a couple of other high school friends.

On Sunday, I brought a liter of it to a friend's pool party (I skipped out early to go to work, showed up on the job in a wet bathing suit and flip-flops, and changed in the men's room). She e-mailed me later:

BBBBm you are a genius! We have been hammered for two days would you make us another batch for Labor Day. We will surely pay you Tuesday!!! No seriously need more of this. It's like heroin in my veins!!!!

I have another gallon of pure alcohol marinating a combination of lemon, orange, and lime peels... the color isn't so great- it's an olive drab (green and orange don't blend so well)- but the taste is really great.