Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Illusion of Action

Last night, I had to work an event at one of my job sites. Events tend to involve a lot of different tasks- when there is an event, my job description is, basically, "be Winston Wolf". Last night's event started off on an inauspicious note, a friggin' monsoon that lasted for half and hour at a most inopportune time, when the caterers were putting the finishing touches on preparations for an outdoor cocktail reception. Yeah, things were awful for a while, but my co-workers and I scurried to help the caterers rectify things.

After the storm, things went well until a lull in the event- after some speechifying, there was a run for the pissoirs, which wreaked havoc on the water pressure in the antiquated building in which the "facilities" are located. To put things bluntly, the women weren't able to flush the toilets in the public bathroom properly (guys, not needing papel higenico, had no such problems). The problem was a self-rectifying one... wait a half-hour and the water tank for the building will fill, and the toilets will work properly. The problem is, there has to be a perception of action- strictly for the sake of appearances, I had to text the head of the maintenance department, then call him. An awesome co-worker of mine and I then directed female guests to the handicapped bathroom, which has an old-style toilet with a tank (thus circumventing the water pressure problem). We even allowed some guests to use a staff bathroom that is normally off limits. All the while, we had to inform individuals that the men's room wasn't an option because the water pressure problem wasn't unique to the ladies' room, just the backlog of paperwork, if you know what I mean, and I think that you do. Yeah, it was obviously a "halftime at the Superbowl" moment, but I had to make with the plunger just to maintain an illusion of action, because simply waiting for the problem to end would not have been perceived well.

Put succinctly, I had to drape the Veil of Maya over the loo.

9 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

And so perception becomes reality!
~

fish said...

just to maintain an illusion of action

This is the description of my whole workday.

vacuumslayer said...

You can't fool me: you veiled the toilet 'cuz its boob was showing. Prude.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I have always had a soft spot for the old-style overhead tank toilets; Adequate Water Head Pressure!

Even with modern low-flow versions.

Smut Clyde said...

I had to make with the plunger just to maintain an illusion of action
I know that experience.

Substance McGravitas said...

If you pile big crates of heavy things in front of the bathrooms people won't know where they are.

Also if there are people in the bathrooms already it is funny.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

That wasn't the Rapture! I couldn't get out of the bathroom!

Aunt Snow said...

High-end rental portapotties are now viewed in LA as a sign that event planners care! Who'da thunk it?

http://www.kohlerpower.com/rental/category.htm?categoryNumber=28761&sectionNumber=28161

Rugosa said...

So funny. Reminds me of a gathering I attended where a similar thing happened to the plumbing. The guys all stood around the toilet, looking concerned, like this would somehow speed up the natural process.