Saturday, April 29, 2017

A Morelity Play

Last night, I had a pretty shitty assignment... last Saturday, one of my subordinates found an empty bottle of Hennessey and a used prophylactic at one of our sites. The obvious conclusion is that some individuals have been crawling through a gap in the perimeter fence and using the place as a free no-tell motel. When people feel comfortable trespassing on a site, bad shit can happen- vandalism of sensitive buildings, injury due to misadventure, liability lawsuits. My approach to my supervisor's position is to 'lead with my chin'- if someone is going to pull a duty which probably would lead to a call to the local constabulary, I think it should be me. I'm not easily rattled, I am comfortable sitting in the dark waiting for something to happen, and I am comfortable coming down on assholes like a two-ton heavy thing.

After getting the departmental cell phone from my principal site at 9PM, I headed down to the site which had the potential to become party central. I got to the site, and went into stealth mode... I was covering the whole site, basically playing the wandering monster (bugbear, large and fierce but incongruously stealthy) in a Keep on the Borderlands LARP. Yeah, I was there to wreck some adventurers' shit. I was wandering the site, making my "hide in shadows" rolls, when around midnight, mirabile, I find three morels growing under a lamppost:

I had to resist the urge to use my high-powered flashlight to go on a mushroom hunt, thereby blowing my cover... talk about potential mission creep! Still, I was champing at the bit until 2AM, when it started to rain, there was no sign of any trespassers, and I had to return to my principal worksite in order to perform can-opening duties for my two bosses. That also involved resisting the urge for mission creep, and driving straight home to do some sauté-ing. In the meantime, I'm wondering if the trespassers are actually coming during the daylight hours- it's easier to find the gaps in the fence when it's bright out... easier to find mushrooms, too.

No comments: