Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A Fistful of Kumquats

So, last night was the party thrown by my employer... a very, very nice evening. It was great seeing people from all of our sites, many of whom I don't see often enough. Perhaps unfortunately, the music was pretty low-key, and I didn't hear any real rump-shaking tunes- it wasn't a night for dancing. The young social media guru explained that he had just put together the playlist and set it on "shuffle". I decided to wear a suit, and I got a lot of good-natured ribbing about coming straight from my other job as a big bank executive. There were plenty of hot "hoover doovers" and a table loaded with cold snacks- dips, crackers, wedges of pita bread. Upon closer inspection of the buffet table, I saw that the table was decorated with kumquats. Now, kumquats are one of my favorite fruits- they taste like miniature "inside out" oranges- they have a sweet rind and a sour pulp, and they leave a pleasantly astringent aftertaste on your palate. They're kinda like the anti-clementine- while clementines have a sweet pulp and an easy-to-peel rind, and few seeds, kumquats have thick rinds and a fair amount of seeds.

When I saw that there were kumquats on the table, I went to work, palming them and transferring them to my jacket pockets. Hey, sometimes, you have to embrace your inner cafone, and I have a well-nigh insatiable greed for kumquats. I did, however, point the kumquats out to our social media guy, so he and I split the remainder of the ones still on the table, and I did give one to my universally beloved co-worker (the brilliant jet-eyed charmer with the sweet alto voice and the engaging personality), who was unfamiliar with them. That left me with plenty to take home, although they didn't last the night:





Also, thanks to M. Bouffant for providing a cut-and-paste template for rollever text to my neo-luddite self.

27 comments:

Jennifer said...

I was in the produce section of a store once when a woman came up to me, leaned in and said, "You look intelligent... what are these??!" I took a peek and saw she had kumquats... one of my father's and grandfather's favorites. I said what they were and told her you eat the entire fruit, peel and all, but they're a little tart and leave an aftertaste... she scrunched up her face and said she wasn't smart enough to eat those and walked away. I ended up buying them for my father as I was soon headed that way.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I don't think this episode counts as foraging though.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

"You look intelligent... what are these??!"

That's awesome!

I don't think this episode counts as foraging though.

Hey, I don't forage for everything!

Laura said...

The only "cafone" story that I have would be the time I got a bit tipsy at a wedding. I ended up stealing 3 center pieces before my husband yelled at me to "GET IN THE CAR!!!"
I believe I took a grocery bag full of cookies as well but, since I don't actually remember doing it, was only told that I did, I'm not sure it's true. :)

So what happened to the "Gaga" that was supposed to go down last night??? Nothing worse than a party with only slow music. Next time, I'll be in charge. Throw down some 70's Bee Gee's and BAM! party time!
The mangiacakes will never see me coming with that playlist! :P

Mmmmmm... kumquats!! I haven't had one of those in years.

((Hugs))
Laura

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

The mangiacakes will never see me coming with that playlist!

The guy in charge of the music is a paisan. I think he got too ginzolicious with the music so the mucky-mucks told him to tone things down.

I ended up stealing 3 center pieces before my husband yelled at me to "GET IN THE CAR!!!"

The trunk, or the passenger's seat?

vacuumslayer said...

I LOVE KUMQUATS.

And echoing Jennifer's story up top, I am constantly being asked things in the produce department. I must look like i know what I'm doing. (I do. :D) And I have to explain half my grocery items to the cashier. "That's fennel. That's lemongrass."

I made a kumquat salsa and served it over fish one time--YUM.

vacuumslayer said...

I have sort of made off with stuff from parties and receptions and stuff-flower arrangements.

And I got to take the one from my baby shower home with me. It was amazingly gorgeous and tasteful. I was like, "SCORE!"

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I made a kumquat salsa and served it over fish one time--YUM.

That sounds really good, but I doubt I'd ever make it- I'd eat all the kumquats before I even turned on the stove.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Checking the stats, I have hits today for the terms:

dragon fuck illustration
cheap yataghan
sea monkey mouth close up
yeti pattern
christmas gft for bald (sic on the gft)

I also have the usual 2 for frazetta women- sorry horndogs!

Jennifer said...

I made a kumquat salsa and served it over fish one time--YUM.

I will refrain from filthbottery, I will refrain from filthbottery...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

but, since I don't actually remember doing it

TEH JURY FINDS YOU INNOCENT! OF ALL CHARGES!
~

vacuumslayer said...


I will refrain from filthbottery, I will refrain from filthbottery...


I think it's mean to tease the class with filthbottery then not share with everyone.

fish said...

And I got to take the one from my baby shower home with me. It was amazingly gorgeous and tasteful. I was like, "SCORE!"

Eating babies without sharing is just mean.

Laura said...

"TEH JURY FINDS YOU INNOCENT! OF ALL CHARGES!"
Thank you if! :P It feels so good to be free again! :P

I'm very interested in this dragon fuck illustration myself!!! :)

I think husband put me in the back seat. I'm a mouthy drunk.
((Hugs))
Laura

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I'm very interested in this dragon fuck illustration myself!!! :)

Oddly enough, most of the dragons seem to be fucking cars, of all things!

I think husband put me in the back seat.

Be thankful a dragon didn't try to get it on with the car!

Jennifer said...

I think husband put me in the back seat. I'm a mouthy drunk.

I will refrain from filthbottery... I will refrain from filthbottery...

Smut Clyde said...

put me in the back seat

They picked you up and they put you in the back seat? That's just ZRM bait.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Nice one Smut.

Also hdb bait, if the trooth be sold.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Maybe they were looking for Dragon-King fuck illustration. If that was the case, they shoulda asked their moms.

Laura said...

"Oddly enough, most of the dragons seem to be fucking cars, of all things!"

Those dragons are quite well endowed. I might not have been scared to see them coming. :)


"I will refrain from filthbottery"
Come on Jen... you know you want to! :)

The rest of you are just dirty pigs. :P Tee Hee!

vacuumslayer said...

Oddly enough, most of the dragons seem to be fucking cars, of all things!


I guess I have reached the end of the Internet, because i'm pretty sure I have now seen everything.

vacuumslayer said...

I will be polite and not ask B^4, how he knew just where to find dragon-car sex fan art.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I will be polite and not ask B^4, how he knew just where to find dragon-car sex fan art.

It was the first result for "dragon fuck illustration". The whole car angle was completely unexpected.

Another Kiwi said...

Ace comment from dragons/cars pagethat is by far teh sweetest shitt i have seen in my 14 years on this planet.

Dennis, is that you?

vacuumslayer said...

Rofl!

M. Bouffant said...

I don't think this episode counts as foraging though.

It certainly does to me. Call it urban foraging, if you want to be picky.

John Revolta said...

Hey..........I gotcher kumquats......

RIGHT HERE!!!!111!!!