The Fever Swamp Doesn't Seem so Deep

The news that Rand Paul got a gig with Breitbart's organization after the Moony Times cast him loose because of repeated instances of plagiarism made me nostalgic for some of the hilarious conspiracy-theorizing that the right-wing engaged in when Carroll O'Connor's evil doppelgänger kicked the bucket. The sheer lunacy of those paranoid comments inspired me to check out Free Republic, one of the worst fever-swamps of the American right.

I was a bit taken aback when I checked out the site, which often featured thousand-post comment threads. The most recent threads didn't break double digits, and many of them had less than ten comments. Apparently, the moderators at the site conduct purges (recounted more fully at this right-wing site). The purging of insufficiently right-wing members of the commentariat was common enough so that the community had it's own term for a banning. A look at the site's web traffic revealed a precipitous drop in late 2012 (I wonder why?) and in early 2013... it seems to be clawing its way back up to a decent traffic level, but the spirit of the community seems to be diminished.

Happily, I found the site Freeper Madness, so I don't have to actually check out Free Republic to get a dose of right-wing lunacy. Yeah, I can give my traffic to a great site, not one of the worst sites out there.


Bonus Content: Heart Attack Equals Dart Attack


In the course of putting this post together, I found a thing of genuine beauty... there is a Freeper named "Butterdezillion" who is obsessed with the idea that poison "heart attack" darts will be commonly used to assassinate Obama's enemies. This shit is pure comedy gold:

Target: Joe Arpaio:

They wouldn’t want to make it look TOO “natural” because then it wouldn’t have the intimidation effect. A heart attack dart doesn’t convert into the right amount of scare if it’s on somebody who would be expected to have a heart attack. It only works on people like Breitbart, Stephanie Tubbs, Kam Kuwata, etc.

Target: Andrew Breitbart:

There’s a potassium chloride dart that can cause a heart attack within seconds, leaving nothing detectable in an autopsy so the only evidence left behind is a small red entry hole that’s sort of like a bug bite, which is what the victim would think had happened (in those last few seconds of life).

From what was in the autopsy report for Breitbart, the coroner did not check for an entry hole like that.

It gets even better, as she theorizes about the nature of these poison darts:

The dart is made of a substance that melts when it penetrates the skin.

What do you know about potassium chloride?

As an editorial note, this was a plot feature in a Get Smart episode, sorry about the spoiler.

She goes on about Breitbart's death by dart:

Presumably you would use the same epistemology for the Breitbart death - wouldn’t rule out a Soros-related assassination just as I wouldn’t assume it had to be a Soros-related assassination. The evidence would be the deciding factor, and following all the evidence.

A critical piece of evidence would be whether there was or wasn’t a small round hole where a dart could have entered the body. Why do you think the coroner said nothing about checking for that potential piece of evidence? If he had, that could have potentially been ruled out as a means of death. That would have been very useful to both of us, no?

And on:

Lying requires a complicit coroner, even before he knew he needed to be complicit. And that’s often what ruins a “perfect crime”. It’s the same thing that ruined Obama’s documentation crimes.

You (or somebody, can’t remember who) talked about it being useless to do anything if a murder can be passed off as a heart attack or something else. But there are give-aways besides the autopsy. Without having even checked the body for the only evidence of an assassination, the coroner can say it was a natural death but the question is really still wide open - unless and until the coroner knows that there was no dart entry hole. There are other deaths that are STILL up in the air because nobody would allow the body to be examined for the telltale evidence.

On another thread:

I wonder if his tweets, calls, or other communications would show what he was doing.

Somebody asked who called 911. That could also be interesting. Somebody close enough to see that he fell down would also be close enough to shoot him with a poison dart, and they’d want a witness to what happened so the cops wouldn’t be called in as if there was foul play...

It gets even better:

I wonder how thick cloth has to be to repel those darts. Anybody know? Seems like somebody would have to know where you were at, maybe follow you with a cooler to keep the poison frozen until you were outside and in range. I wonder what the range is.

I wonder if the cancer-causing stuff has to be frozen, and if one injection does the job. I also wonder if there’s a particular form of cancer that they favor. Probably something that is typically fast-acting and has no obvious presenting symptoms that would clue the person in to get tested and treated. Something like ovarian cancer, for women. What’s similar for men?

Also makes me wonder if the same technology could be used to get a manufactured bio-warfare germ into the public - make it look like it came from a mosquito maybe...

Butterdezillion is the star of her very own political thriller:

I am a person Obama could potentially want dead. I am working with the Cold Case Posse.

Anytime I go to the doctor Obama’s regime can see what the doctor finds out about me. If they wanted to assassinate me they could match the medical assassination so that it fits my records perfectly. They know my family history, know what tests I’ve had done, etc. They know what I’m afraid of getting. They are able to make me get it. Nobody would ever know.

Don't ask for whom the dart... uhhh... darts... it darts for thee:

The Breitbart death indicated to me that they know they have to have plausible deniability. They have to attack people medically. Makes it real handy that they are setting up a national database of medical records that are to be accessible to the bureaucrats in government. They can see whether I have a history of heart disease. I don’t - in fact, I was tested multiple times and have been told my heart is healthy as a horse - so they can’t use a heart attack dart on me. They’d have to use something slower-acting for me...

Wow, this trip down the Freeper rabbit hole sure has been entertaining, Andrew Breitbart is still dead, and I am grateful to have found Butterdezillion's "poison dart" comments, which are pure comedy gold. I wonder if William Gibson can sue for plagiarism (though "Butter" didn't actually type out "They said she cooked her own cancers for people who crossed her, rococo custom variations that took years to kill you."). Of course, the plagiarism issue brings us full circle to Rand Paul, who, in spite of his thieving ways, got a gig with Big Dead Breitbart. Hopefully, that thing on his head is thick enough to repel poison darts.

Cross posted at Rumproast.