Friday, September 14, 2012

The Best Pin-Up Calendar EVER!!!

This post is an expansion of a comment I made at bbkf's great blog in response to this sentence:


hubbkf and i were cleaning out the basement and this had been hanging above his workbench for lo these many years…so, now it’s new home is his new shop…hopefully right next to his mn vikings cheerleader calendar…a man can dream, right?


My snarky comment was:


It could be worse, he could have a Cofanifunebri calendar up there.


Ah, yes, the Cofanifunebri calendar... a pin-up calendar put out by Italy's finest manufacturer of coffins.

A few years back, a friend of mine bought a house, and a bunch of us moved into it with him- it was like a beach house without an ocean. It was the sort of house that a female friend would walk into and shake her head, saying, "God, this is such a bachelor pad!"

My buddy J-Co, whose father was a second-generation undertaker, so he, perforce, had an irreverently morbid sense of humor, thought that the perfect accent for our home would be the infamous Cofanifunebri pin-up calendar, which figured pictures of scantily-clad women draped languidly, seductively even, over coffins. The best thing about the particular calendar he gave us is that it didn't feature pictures of models, but of employees- a finish carpenter would be posed in lingerie standing over a coffin with a drill in her hand, a secretary would be lounging on top of a coffin with a phone. They weren't the typical fantasy girl, they were the sort of ladies you'd meet at a salumeria, or playing bocce in the park... if they weren't spending so much time lounging on coffins.

Women tended to hate the calendar. My buddy's girlfriend took one look at it and yelled, "These women aren't even that pretty, why do you have this up?" Then we told her to take a closer look, and she yelled even louder, "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THOSE COFFINS?" She failed to see the humor in the juxtaposition of cheesecake and death (you don't have to choose between cake or death, you can have cake and death.).

The Cofanifunebri calendar garnered quite a bit of attention on the internet... it was perfect fodder for the irony-seeking post-post-modernist. Then something horrible happened... the calendar was discontinued:


The Sexy coffin calendar is no longer available becuase censored by italian law.

Very sorry!
Stay tuned or follow us on facebook for more info



Ay, che tristezza!





Hmmmm... I wonder if Ornella Vanoni ever posed for a Confanifunebri calendar back in the 50's or 60's...

5 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

becuase censored by italian law.

And Thers was just saying, "Incidentally, K-Lo, the only reason the Vatican doesn't get to set people on fire for heresy any longer is that big-government secularists forced them to cut that shit out."

It's all connected. Or else I'm just being an insomniac.
~

Laura said...

Those are some weird ass calendars but, I don't think I would have done any screaming about it being pinned up in a Bach-pad. ;)

Perhaps we should bring back an "Italian-North American" version of the calendar. I could drape myself over a coffin whilst knitting up a scarf for one of my bambani.
Too sex-eh!!!!

((Hugs))
laura

Substance McGravitas said...

I was listening to a show on the radio the other weekend about Italians in Montreal. One of the things that marks out the diehard Italians is tracking down and canning tomatoes at a certain season. Which is odd because actual Italians have better things to do than burn days of labour and get a stinky house for something they can go buy at the store.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

S_McG will burn in HELL for that remark.

IF that is his real name, otherwise he gets a "Get Out Of Hell Free" card, just like the rest of us.
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

And Thers was just saying, "Incidentally, K-Lo, the only reason the Vatican doesn't get to set people on fire for heresy any longer is that big-government secularists forced them to cut that shit out."

Yeah, that whole "separation of church and state" thing works pretty damn well.

Perhaps we should bring back an "Italian-North American" version of the calendar. I could drape myself over a coffin whilst knitting up a scarf for one of my bambani.
Too sex-eh!!!!


Il cuotre mi batteva mille all'ora! I can't wait to see Sexy Nonna's picture.

Which is odd because actual Italians have better things to do than burn days of labour and get a stinky house for something they can go buy at the store.

Like riding Vespas while talking on their mobile phones. Now, that's some socialism I can get behind.

S_McG will burn in HELL for that remark.

He'll suffer an eternity, canning tomatoes FOR SATAN!!!