Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Kenyan Usurper Fails to Tyrannize Texas

Jade Helm 15 has ended. The tyrannical Kenyan Usurper has failed to confiscate the guns of God-fearin' 'Murricans, and the Chinese/Mexican axis the Marxicans has failed in its 20,000 year trans-beringian plot to annex Texas. Remember the Alamo? Sure, the Illuminati want you to think that it doesn't have a basement, but it's connected to Walmarts by a network of tunnels so the Blue Helmets, in league with the Deros, could quickly overrun the Lone Star State.

The very codename Jade Helm 15 symbolized the Chinese Mexican alliance, and alludes to a plot to summon a fierce Mesoamerican god-monster (Jade Helm 15/Seven Macaw, what's the difference?) which would force all of the schoolkids in Texas to learn about evolution in the schools, or something like that.

Thankfully, a plucky coalition of patriots coalesced to defend Texistan from the Kenyan Usurper's horde of blue-helmets, Marxicans, deros, FEMA staffers, Muslim Brothers, and the Dixie Chicks. It was touch-and-go right up to the end, when Texas' greatest defender returned to his native soil to lead the resistance.

Texas is safe for now, but true patriots must remain forever vigilant. The gun-grabbers and FEMA campers are on the run, but the Walmart tunnels remain, and the Usurper's tyrannical ambitions are as strong as ever they were. The next threat will be more insidious... Jade Helm 15 was thwarted, but never forget the perennial threat, what the queers are doing to the soil.


Vixen Strangely said...

Burrow owl. Burrow owl. Burrow owl.

Dammnit. When 8th graders are coming over the border and building clocks I tell you, you will be talking out of another side of your face!

I am beginning to believe that messing with Texas, as opposed to being along the lines of stepping on Superman's cape or spitting into the wind, or, indeed, pulling the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger, should become the national pastime.

The whole state has been saying "Size counts" for years, but I insist it's what you do with it. See also: GWB, Ted Cruz, and Louie Gohmert.

Yastreblyansky said...

Can't understand why Governor Abbott hasn't come out with his victory speech. Is that just typical Texas modesty?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I'm very disappointed. So many evil doers left un-rounded up!

Professor Chaos said...

Jade Helm 15 is over?

That's what they want you to think!

Syrbal/Labrys said...

Well, Texas is safe from any future peak oil dilemma, right? Plentiful STUPID to burn for fuel...and no need of fancy costly oil rigs to get AT it, either.