Friday, March 8, 2013

Rand Paul Has 99 Problems

From the "damn, he's trying too hard to be relevant" files, Marco Rubio made references to hip-and/or-hop artists in a response to Rand Paul's fauxlibuster (remember, Harry Reid's spinelessness ensured that "talking filibusters" were unnecessary). Here's Rubio incongruously trying to sound relevant:

Ah, yes, way to woo the kids with references to Jay-Z... I think Rubio's trying to steal the "youth" vote that Rand is trying to inherit from his old man by speaking with the vocabulary of the street. Good luck, Marco, Paul didn't even take a drink until he was about an hour into his speech... no furtive snatches at baby-sized water bottles for this Randian superman. Keep quoting those hippety hop artists, Marco, it won't change the fact that Rand Paul drank your milkshake (which is sure to bring all the libertarians to the yard). Oh sure, the kids will be appalled that Rand Paul would have opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, he doesn't support reproductive freedom for women, and he didn't seem to mind that his "Tea Tea Macoutes" stomped a young woman in his presence, but he pretty much left you in his dust (which may explain your dry mouth). Regarding his continued appeal until 2016, Rand Paul has 99 Problems, but Marco Rubio isn't one of 'em.

Of course, Rand Paul is right about the use of drones in extrajudicial killings of American citizens, but you know what they say about a stopped clock... as an added benefit, his fauxlibuster is deepening the rifts in the Republican Party.

Cross posted at Rumproast.


mikey said...

He got John McCain so riled up he tied an extra onion on his belt and took time out from yelling at clouds to yell at Randian Rand.

"RIDICULOUS!!", he thundered.

Then he forgot what he was doing made doody in his depends.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Did somebody say "thundered?"

... as an added benefit, his fauxlibuster is deepening the rifts in the Republican Party.

Yes, but are we winning?

Obama adopts right-wing policies, GOP goes crazy and adopts further right-wing policies. Democrats win!

And we are stuck with ever more extreme right-wing policies. Obama is playing eleventy-dimensional chess, alright. Against his voters.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I think 99 is a light estimate.

Also, I think thunder's chain of cause and effect is at least backwards, if not missing several steps. But I am only a midwestern zombie, so what do I know from governing? I have been told that the East Coast is the Most.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I find it odd, though, that somehow Rand paul is Obama's fault.

mikey said...

Obama's right wing policies apparently include subsidized universal healthcare, medicaid expansion, stimulus spending, marriage equality, de-privatizing student loans and federal unemployment extensions.

OH! I bet you're talking about targeted assassination, which despite the current love on the right for dead brown people cannot in any way be considered a right-wing policy; and, of course there is the lack of interest in his administration's DoJ for prosecuting financial firms and their principles for crimes such as fraud and conspiracy - again, nothing specifically "right-wing" about corruption, we've seen all manner of corrupt politicians over the years. Then of course there's the biggie, the fact that Obama has offered to cut entitlement benefits, which WOULD be adopting a right-wing policy except he does so KNOWING just as most of us KNOW that it will never pass either a Republican House - tethered, as it is, to revenue increases - or a Democratic Senate, who know that benefit cuts are toxic.

So yeah, total right winger in the White House.

M. Bouffant said...

I have been told that the East Coast is the Most.
West coast is the most because the surfing's the best.