Send Latkes, Gelt and Kugel!

I'm going to recycle a comment I made on last year's Hanukkah post, a little Hanukkah song I'd written. Before I start, though, I have to confess that I can't stand Adam Sandler... I just can't bear his weird combination of Jerry- Lewis-with-a-mean-streak humor and the heaping doses of schmaltz he uses in a cack-handed attempt to leaven it. I have had an aversion to the man ever since catching a bit of Water Boy while channel surfing back in the days when I had a TeeVee machine. That being said, his Hanukkah Song was amusing the first two times I heard it... yuck! I see a need for more popular Hanukkah hanukkarols, even if a goy-boy has to do the writing (after all, one of the most beloved Christmas songs of all time was written by a Jewish-American troubador. So, here goes nothing, here's my bastardy Hanukkah song (the tune should be familiar):


I went home for the Shabbos,
The way I always do.
How am I to show, that I'm an observant Jew?
I was gambling with a dreidel,
I took a little risk.
Send latkes, gelt, and kugel.
Invite me to the bris.

I'm the innocent bystander,
And somehow I got stuck.
Between a rock and a hard place,
Oy vey, I'm a schmuck.

They took me for a gonif.
A shyster, to be sure.
Send latkes, gelt and kugel
To show my heart is pure.

Send latkes, gelt and kugel!
Send latkes, gelt and kugel!

It's a shonda for the goyim,
The way it all went down
Send latkes, gelt and kugel
Before I leave this town.


I'm actually toying with the idea of making latkes, although it's a time-consuming process. Being a goy, though, I'm planning on serving them alongside a bigos. I already hit the Ukrainian butcher shop to buy some fantastic smoked kielbasa and a big chunk of slab bacon. Yeah, it's not kosher by any stretch of the imagination, but it'll have enough oil to make all that cabbage palatable.