Tuesday, May 31, 2011

New Neighbors, Old Stories

As if this past weekend weren't hectic enough, a lovely family (two nice, professional people with three very young boys) has rented the apartment above mine. All weekend, they were moving their stuff into the new place. On Friday, after working a graveyard shift, I was hanging out in front of the house with my old college roommate when the paterfamilias of the family pulled up with a minivan full of stuff. Of course, I asked him if he wanted help (I actually enjoy this sort of thing- the sheer physicality of the work appeals to me from time to time).

Besides some boxes of household goods, he had a bureau which he planned to move with a dolly. The front porch has two sets of stairs which form a right angle. My roommate and I helped him get the dolly up the first set of stairs, and we realized that we couldn't turn the dolly, so the proper thing to do was to bring the bureau up by hand. Dropping one end of the dolly got it through the front door, then we took it in in the upright position. We brought it into the hallway, then closed the front door to purchase a couple of inches of wiggle room. A simple "pivot" maneuver got the bureau in through the apartment door. Who says that playing hours of Tetris is a waste of time?

The whole episode gave me flashbacks to college- hanging out with an old friend on a warm day, moving furniture. I remembered an incident which took place at the start of my senior year. Junior year, eight of us were living in a gigantic suite which had formerly housed the campus police (the vault in which the university stored the silverware used at formal events formed a second living room). We didn't have the option of keeping the suite, so we split up the octumvirate and decided to sell off enough of the furniture to be able to buy a case or two of Labatt's Blue.

One of the chairs we were selling was an ugly armchair which was attached to a heavy, round plywood base by a swivel joint. The joint was broken, so the chair had a tendency to flop backwards. We "nullified" this problem by placing the chair against a wall. We knew that we would probably be unable to sell the chair if it were flopped on the ground, but that we could explain the situation to prospective buyers and unload the thing for five bucks. That being said, I sat down in the chair, and leaned forward so the chair looked sound. Sitting on the edge of my seat, I called out to a couple of freshmen girls who were walking across the quad, "Ladies, would you be interested in purchasing a chair?"

One of the young ladies smiled and said, "Only if you come with it." She then started tousling my hair (yeah, this happened a while ago, when I had a big blond 'fro), and abruptly plopped down on the arm of the chair. Needless to say, the chair flopped over and the girl and I went ass over teakettle. My roommate was doubled over in paroxysms of laughter, and the poor, hapless girl was beet red with embarassment. What an inauspicious way to start off one's college career!

15 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Sounds pretty good to me.

One duty I had senior year was working freshmen orientation. In this case, I was sitting at a table with a coworker as we handed out stuff incoming freshmen needed, for instance the keys to their dorm rooms. Lo and behold, a pretty blond freshman shows up and here's your room key, Jody Foster.

So that's my freshman orientation story, but I have a furniture moving story as well (actually, a lot of those, as that was a big part of summer duty). Furniture story in future comment.
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

So, Thunder, did she go for you in a big way?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

LOL, I think she had more than enough attention freshmen year.

I have a table that stamped with the college logo on the bottom that I recovered from the room of some freshmen councilors. (Hey, they stole it, not me, right? I was just doing my job of cleaning out the dorms!)

Anyways it was one sturdy deal. I carried it from Welch Hall all the way up five flights to my room in Wright Hall, meself. I used to be strong (*sniff*).

P.S. That was actually my junior year (the room key story, not the table story...I don't remember when I acquired the table, but it was in my room senior year).
~

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

I had a good time in college too, but mine was mostly wasting time getting stoned and going to political meetings. Classes? I didn't need no stinkin classes!

I also wrote term papers for profit..it was a great business as I love to research shit.

But I did graduate..amazing huh? ;)

Von said...

Did she buy the chair?
You're a helpful awesome Bastard, you know that?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I carried it from Welch Hall all the way up five flights to my room in Wright Hall, meself.

Wright bites! I lived two years in Welch- the former police station was in the basement.

I used to be strong (*sniff*).

I used to be hirsute (*sniff*, or should I say *snip*?)!

I had a good time in college too, but mine was mostly wasting time getting stoned and going to political meetings. Classes? I didn't need no stinkin classes!

Welcome to the neighborhood! Personally, I almost never cut classes (why take a class you wouldn't enjoy?), and I absolutely loved doing research papers. I did get in a lot of drinking and carousing time, though.

I also wrote term papers for profit..it was a great business as I love to research shit.

You love to research shit... did the university have a large proctology department?

Did she buy the chair?

I'm lucky she didn't buy a baseball bat and whomp me over the head with it!

You're a helpful awesome Bastard, you know that?

Hey, I do my best to do the best I can... also, the appeal of lugging furniture around with old college friends is largely due to nostalgia.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

hahahahahaha..OK, i CUSS a lot so evidently BBBB you need to read between the lines..or you just used my dumbass to make a joke..either way..I have blogrolled ya..your great!

Substance McGravitas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Substance McGravitas said...

Dear Penthouse:

I never thought this would happen to me but that last letter had no payoff at all.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

OK, i CUSS a lot so evidently BBBB you need to read between the lines..or you just used my dumbass to make a joke

I've always lived by the credo "It's better to be a smartass than a dumbass", so any excuse to make a joke will be jumped upon.

I have blogrolled ya..your great!

Right back at ya! Are you a sadlynaught, or did Thunder send you?

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

I think I found ya through Thunders blog..who I found via Pass the Douchey's.

And I do too subscribe to the creed that it is better to be a smartass than a dumbass. ;)

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Thunder's awesome, I've pretty much been following in his footsteps for decades- our dads even went to the same high school.

Most of my blogroll was stolen from Thunder's place.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Most of my blogroll was stolen from Thunder's place.

As with the rest of the travelers, feel free to ignore the odd zombizzle.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Hey now, I imagine you stole Thunder's blogroll as well!

I'll need proof for any AHEMs.

Brando said...

LOL at Substance's letter.

This post reminded me of the time TLB and I swapped apartments with another couple in Brooklyn -- our fourth-floor walkup for their third-floor walkup. 14 hours of moving culminating in taking this enormous dresser up four flights of stairs. The other husband was a professional bass player and wound up missing two weeks of gigs because his forearms hurt so much he couldn't play.

I love both B4 and Thunder's stories, too. Jody Foster!