Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Read the Book, Donnie, then Read the Room

In the stream of life-ending incompetence that is the Trump Maladministration, it's the little things that tend to piss me off most viscerally. The crime of children being incarcerated on the border and the skyrocketing death toll from COVID-19 are things that numb the soul, that subside into a constant, dull ache and a tendency to lose sleep, but it's stupid shit like this which makes me want to throw my phone across the room:



It's a weird threat, to be sure, but it's also a window into the mind of this illiterate buffoon. I imagine that Donnie watched the 1984 movie Bounty, starring Anthony Hopkins and Mel Gibson, then turned it off early, when the tits stopped being showcased all over the screen (seriously, besides Mel Gibson, the movie features a lot of boobs, more than the entire 'Porky's' franchise). Anyone who's familiar with the history knows that Fletcher Christian made it to Pitcairn Island with his wife and a crew of mutineers and Tahitian emigrants. He most likely eventually met a sticky end in infighting, but he had a good run, and his descendants still inhabit the island.

William Bligh, on the other hand, while attaining the rank of Vice-Admiral, is primarily known for being a martinet at best, a tyrant at worst, and, because we are free of his authority, a figure to be lampooned:





Bligh did lead his loyal crewmen to East Timor, which demonstrates a competence that Trump entirely lacks. He would be a minor name in the history texts if not for the Bounty mutiny, much like Trump would have been a minor footnote in jocular histories of New York City or television. Bligh's inept handling of the crew of the Bounty assured him of his place in the popular imagination three centuries after the mutiny, just like Trump's presiding over economic ruin and mass casualties will enshrine his name in the history books for centuries to come.

Now, how about a musical number, one which Zombie Rotten McDonald would endorse? Here's the Mekons, singing (Sometimes I Feel Like) Fletcher Christian:





These guys know the full story, and wouldn't have tweeted something stupid.

3 comments:

Anathema Device said...

"William Bligh, on the other hand, while attaining the rank of Vice-Admiral, is primarily known for being a martinet at best, a tyrant at worst"

Not here in Australia, where both a former prime minister and a former premier of my state (a descendant) both proudly use Bligh in their names in his memory.

Bligh was a brave, intelligent man and treated his crew fairly. When Christian and his crew threw him and 17 other sailors into a tiny row boat with very little in the way of supplies, they must have thought that Bligh and their former comrades were sharkbait. But they reckoned without Bligh, who managed to get all but one of the crew alive to Timor on a 47 day, 6700 km voyage on sheer navigational skill and leadership alone.

Such was his reputation, he was made governor of the colony of New South Wales, where a second attempt to tarnish his reputation was made by traitors, who claimed this literal hero was found hiding under the bed during the infamous Rum Rebellion.

Don't believe the propaganda, let alone the mango moron's illiterate attempt to rewrite history. If Trump was a tenth the man William Bligh was, then the USA would not be in such a mess at the moment.

[Oh, and Pitcairn Island is a sad hotbed of inbreeding, incest, and child abuse. Christian met a deserved violent death, and was no hero.]

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Being governor of a penal colony isn't exactly a glorious position.

Anathema Device said...

"Being governor of a penal colony isn't exactly a glorious position."

No, but it's not an easy one either. They didn't send their worst people for it.