The big entertainment news this week is the release of the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey, based on a book which originated as Billionaire Dinosaur fanfic. While I haven't read the books, because I value well-crafted writing, I have read up on some of the controversy surrounding them, specifically, their abysmal portrayal of kink. My amatory proclivities tend to be strictly vanilla (I'm more of a BDFM guy than a BDSM guy), but I do have a sort of academic interest in paraphilias (vore and macrophilia are particularly outré ones... for the record, one friend of mine was approached by a couple of "student filmmakers" who wanted to film her stomping on a crayfish, which she declined to do, and another friend of mine, an "alternative model", did a photo shoot in which she stomped on toy cars).
The paradoxical thing about kink is that its practitioners have to be more morally upstanding than vanilla folks- they need to set boundaries and communicate every action in order for everyone to have a safe, good time. The "Fifty Shades" books seem to elide this important prerequisite to the kinky sex acts they portray. In my personal experience, the closest analogy I can come up with is fighting- the important thing about fighting is that the participants have each other's health and well-being in mind. Every time we enter the dojo, we bow- originally, each dojo featured a shrine, but in our secular society, I look at this ritualistic act as a reminder that we, as judoka are leaving the ordinary world behind, that we are engaging in potentially dangerous activities. Similarly, we bow at the beginning of every class and we bow to our partners when we start a workout with them- every bow is a demonstration of trust and a reminder that we have to be better than our everyday selves. I wouldn't want to fight against someone with poor morals (not that I may have a choice in the matter, which is something I would be repulsed by). Similarly, I wouldn't want to engage in any kinky activities with someone who wasn't concerned with respect for a partner's health and well-being.
I sure hope the average "50 Shades" viewer has the savvy to study up on kink before engaging in it, I just don't trust the books' author or the movie's producers and director to make sure that there is a "teaching moment" to instruct the audience to take any of these activities very seriously. If you're going to play with whips and furs, you need to do it with someone with a sweet, sweet heart:
That last sentence was a happy coincidence, I wasn't aware of the video of the two songs back-to-back until a minute ago.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Having worked in a Womens Refuge for 7 years, I have heard of far too many occasions when these acts were inflicted on unwilling partners with anything but a sweet, sweet heart. I can imagine these abusers telling their victims that of course women like it, you all bought the books.
Chickpea, that's so horrible. These books seem to ignore the need for communication and for setting boundaries. Even more important, there needs to be a disclaimer telling readers to run like hell if their partner actually wants to do them harm.
They started off as "Twilight" fanfic and they seem to be even more pernicious than that patriarchal crapfest.
I may not be particularly 'vanilla' (we can save that discussion for another time) but I have NEVER been able to understand any conflation of violence or the infliction of pain with sex. If I was called upon to commit - or even simulate - an act of violence on my partner, well, let's just say it would be quite 'deflating' for me.
There is no convergence of the destructive savagery of violence and the tender pleasures of sex - they exist in different realms.
I have felt the blood-singing joy of both, but if someone wants to combine them I'd say there's something awfully wrong with their humanity...
I may not be particularly 'vanilla' (we can save that discussion for another time) but I have NEVER been able to understand any conflation of violence or the infliction of pain with sex. If I was called upon to commit - or even simulate - an act of violence on my partner, well, let's just say it would be quite 'deflating' for me.
Yeah, I'm with you 100%. In a judo class in college, I was partnered with an absolutely beautiful girl when we were learning choke-holds, and I felt like a complete shitbag for hours after the class. I go into more detail about it here.
Whips and furze? Gorse is NO LAUGHING MATTER, sir.
My amatory proclivities tend to be strictly vanilla
You fuck ice-cream? I so do not want to be after you in the queue. "A double scoop, please, with chocolate frosting, of whatever he's NOT having."
Whips and furze? Gorse is NO LAUGHING MATTER, sir.
Smut for the whin!
You fuck ice-cream? I so do not want to be after you in the queue. "A double scoop, please, with chocolate frosting, of whatever he's NOT having."
Don't judge me! I love the feel of cold dairy on my frenulum.
I have absolutely no interest in watching anything related to Twilight in any way, so I'm completely flummoxed by the attraction to this book/movie. With that said, I've seen a few brief articles about the movie and/or book, and, without exception, they say it is venerating abuse and borderline (or full-on) rape.
In one such article I vaguely recall was a woman who discussed the characters in the book as if they were real people, with a friend that is a women's crisis hotline employee. The woman implored the friend to have the female character call her so they could help her safely get out of her horribly abusive relationship.
Fuzzy handcuffs and some role play? Sure. Coerced sex with the threat of violence/abuse? No. Just no. Who the fuck would find that "hot"?
Post a Comment