Spunk-N-Spice Latte

I can't stop laughing at the unintentional comedy stylings of Pastor James Manning, the barking lunatic who said that Starbucks is putting "sodomite semen" in its coffee. Here's the money quote, in all of its lunatic glory:


“My suspicion is that they’re getting this semen from sodomites. That’s what my suspicion is. My suspicion is that semen, like cord blood, has millions and millions of little zygotes in it, and it flavors up the coffee. And it makes you think you’re having a good time drinking that cup of latte with the semen in it.”


Never mind that he sounds like he's speaking with the voice of experience (he seems like one of those "so deep in the closet he's cavorting with Aslan Assslam" self-haters)- the pastor goes beyond run-of-the-mill homophobia, going full-on jizz libel:


“Starbucks will be found to be perverting its customers and perverting human sexuality. As if drinking Starbucks is some sort of a sacrificial ritual bath where they kill the innocent babies and drink their blood in some of these meetings that are had by these fraternal or sorority groups. Starbucks has, for years, been using sexual fluids to prosper at their businesses, and the truth is now coming out.”


Sodomite semen, baby blood... he sure has a lurid imagination regarding the dietary habits of the Illuminati. I bet he believes that there's an energy drink called Spawndo: "It's got electrolytes zygotes!" As commentor "Drunk Spock" put it: "It has what plants sodomites crave!" At any rate, the sodomite semen coffee drink is perfect for lactose intolerant people, even if it's not for vegans... instead of ordering a soy latte, why not do as Pastor Manning does and order a boy latte?

Check out the comment thread on the story, there's a wealth of win there!