Friday, November 7, 2014

Spunk-N-Spice Latte

I can't stop laughing at the unintentional comedy stylings of Pastor James Manning, the barking lunatic who said that Starbucks is putting "sodomite semen" in its coffee. Here's the money quote, in all of its lunatic glory:


“My suspicion is that they’re getting this semen from sodomites. That’s what my suspicion is. My suspicion is that semen, like cord blood, has millions and millions of little zygotes in it, and it flavors up the coffee. And it makes you think you’re having a good time drinking that cup of latte with the semen in it.”


Never mind that he sounds like he's speaking with the voice of experience (he seems like one of those "so deep in the closet he's cavorting with Aslan Assslam" self-haters)- the pastor goes beyond run-of-the-mill homophobia, going full-on jizz libel:


“Starbucks will be found to be perverting its customers and perverting human sexuality. As if drinking Starbucks is some sort of a sacrificial ritual bath where they kill the innocent babies and drink their blood in some of these meetings that are had by these fraternal or sorority groups. Starbucks has, for years, been using sexual fluids to prosper at their businesses, and the truth is now coming out.”


Sodomite semen, baby blood... he sure has a lurid imagination regarding the dietary habits of the Illuminati. I bet he believes that there's an energy drink called Spawndo: "It's got electrolytes zygotes!" As commentor "Drunk Spock" put it: "It has what plants sodomites crave!" At any rate, the sodomite semen coffee drink is perfect for lactose intolerant people, even if it's not for vegans... instead of ordering a soy latte, why not do as Pastor Manning does and order a boy latte?

Check out the comment thread on the story, there's a wealth of win there!

6 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Wow. I'm surprised the Koch brothers haven't made him a Congressman. Yet.
~

mikey said...

Umm, I figure YOU read this nonsense so I don't have to, but I gotta ask. Does he offer even the slightest explanation for WHY Starbucks would do this? Is there some hypnotic or addictive quality to semen? And how does it work, you know, from a practical matter. Is there a secret back entrance in every Starbucks where hundreds of sodomites secretly line up to masturbate in mason jars? How is it we don't see this happening? How is it that so many Sodomites can maintain such perfect operational security?


I thinks this fellah owes us some more detailed explanation of the nuts & bolts of the process...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Wow. I'm surprised the Koch brothers haven't made him a Congressman. Yet.

He'd have to move out of NYC for that.

Does he offer even the slightest explanation for WHY Starbucks would do this? Is there some hypnotic or addictive quality to semen?

I suspect he's totally in denial about his sexual urges.

I thinks this fellah owes us some more detailed explanation of the nuts & bolts of the process...

Heh, nuts...

Weird Dave said...

I sometimes think these guys come up with the most outlandish stories they can to see just how gullible their marks are...

Vixen Strangely said...

"And it makes you think you’re having a good time drinking that cup of latte with the semen in it."

(Has another member of Cockaholics Anonymous admitted to a drinking problem? Great shades of Ted Haggard! As Elizabeth Taylor might say, "Obsession is catching, I see!" Does a flagon with some drag on have a brew that is true? Admitting one has an issue is the first step in Manning up.)

Chickpea said...

Can't believe I missed this! My sodomite son and I have a little competition, who can find the 'best' quotes.