Monday, August 12, 2013

Pacific Pilgrimage

Yesterday's bizarre story was the tale of a family of religious whackos who fled Arizona, a hotbed of abortion, homosexuality, taxes and the state-controlled church and ended up adrift in the Pacific Ocean for 91 days, before being rescued by the crew of a fishing vessel from the socialist haven of Venezuela.

While much of the comments on the story deal with the fact that the parents should lose custody of their two small children, and that they should be forced to pay for all costs incurred in their rescue and subsequent return to the land of abortion, homosexuality, taxes and the state-controlled church. In all of the commentary, one question seems to have gone unasked... what kind of god would send the faithful on an aimless cruise around the vasty deeps of the Pacific?

Indeed, what kind of god would bid worshipers to embark on an ill-fated Pacific voyage? Crikey, the fanatic Gastonguay family was actually trying to locate the corpse-city of R'lyeh, to liberate the dread Cthulhu from its slumber. It's all so clear to me now, even the stars are right!

Postscript: Raw Story commenter jgkiefer asks, regarding the fundamentalist whackos:

Can we not find a nice island somewhere where ALL of them can sail off to? I am sure we can take in donations on the guarantee that they do not return.

I suggest that such an island be named The Island of Misfit Goys.

Second Postscript: Funny how the best jokes come hours after the post:

HERE'S ONE WEIRD TRICK TO ESCAPE THE HOMOSEXUALS! Navigators hate him!

10 comments:

Smut Clyde said...

It seems a tad strange to me, to sail off into the ocean with the intention of simply taking up residence on whatever land one reaches, whatever views the inhabitants thereof might have on the matter. Expecting sustenance from those impoverished inhabitants, and bringing nothing in exchange except one's wildly inadequate navigation skills. But I suppose it is a time-honoured American tradition.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Expecting sustenance from those impoverished inhabitants, and bringing nothing in exchange except one's wildly inadequate navigation skills. But I suppose it is a time-honoured American tradition.

I wonder if they would have celebrated the anniversary of their inevitable nutritional bailout Kiribati Thanksgiving.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Don't forget the smallpox blankets, S.C.
~

Vixen Strangely said...

Interesting that their destination would be Kiribati, an island which is liable to be swallowed by the rising ocean in the not-so-long term.

Also, really fundies? Escape at sea? Didn't work for Jonah, would not work for thee!

Paul Avery said...

"After being transferred to a Japanese cargo ship, the family ended up in Chile. U.S. Embassy officials arranged for them to be flown home."
This is definitely a justification for imposing sanctions against Japan and Chile.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Don't forget the smallpox blankets, S.C.

"Let's see them pray futilely to their heathen gods!"

Interesting that their destination would be Kiribati, an island which is liable to be swallowed by the rising ocean in the not-so-long term.

Thinking's not their strong suit.

This is definitely a justification for imposing sanctions against Japan and Chile.

They should have been dropped off on that big garbage gyre.

Smut Clyde said...

"Let's see them pray futilely to their heathen gods!"

Lots of Mormons in Kiribati, so yes.

John Gray said...

" a hotbed of homosexuality"
Just like trelawnyd eh.

Aunt Snow said...

So if you're so sensitive to the corruption of what other people do in their private lives, even when it doesn't directly affect you, then why does sailing away even work? If you're that sensitive, distance wouldn't protect you from the shocking knowledge that someplace somewhere people are doing things that you disapprove of.

Ah, well, their motivation really shouldn't make a difference, though, there are plenty of adventure sailors who get in trouble and get rescued. Unless the family decided to forget about planning and just left all the details to GAWD.

Syrbal/Labrys said...

Wasn't there some horrid movie a few years back about a family heading off for jungle wilds to escape American Babylon, meeting up with Fundy nuts? "Mosquito Coast? Am I the only one that finds such film "cautionary tales" and not to be emulated?