I find myself working at a jobsite I haven't worked at since the night of long knives which almost literally "decimated" our organization. It's pretty strange to see reminders of axed co-workers here... an empty office is graced by a workplace photograph that wasn't emotionally resonant enough to take (and which would be a melancholy reminder of better times), a promotional poster for a local television station remains on the wall of the former custodian's niche in the utility room. It's a sobering feeling, the realization that the individuals who were "realigned" out of their jobs had each been here for well over a decade, and a few scant traces of their occupancy still remain, and probably will remain for a couple of years, as nobody think to remove them. Personally, I don't have any of my belongings on the job (outside of a couple of things in the office fridge), I pretty much pack each workday as if I were going on a camping trip
It's been a melancholy day, but the site is gorgeous, and that is a major consolation. In a brief conversation I had with the departing day shift workers, who are also struck by low morale I mentioned the advice I used to give to one of the guys who was axed: "No matter what you think of management, just look around you and fall in love with the site." I now find myself taking that same tack with myself.
As an added consolation, I heard the first spring peepers of the season.
Survivors guilt is very real.
ReplyDeleteWhy did I walk away? Why do I deserve to live through the shitstorm?
It's all about, once again, letting go of things you have no control over. You're not being asked to relish in the body count that might even represent an opportunity for you. You're not being charged with the responsibility to avenge the fallen.
It's another day. Respect those that we left behind. Fight for the things you believe in. And understand that taking casualties is part of the whole deal...
long knives, you say?
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Survivors guilt is very real.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't even call it survivors' guilt. To the extent that I could, I bent over backwards to make sure that the folks in my department were well treated, but then upper management went on a tear, and two of the guys in my department were canned.
The weird thing is that everybody on the "ground" has been saying that management's recent decisions have been bad. In December, while working at a fundraiser, I had to field questions from visitors who were complaining that another fundraiser had been cancelled. At this time, other "ground level" employees are receiving disparaging letters from schoolchildren regarding a bad decision made by the board. One kid wrote: "YOUR BUSINESS WILL BE RUINED!" Still, the board keeps cutting back, which may result in a downward spiral, and morale continues to sink.
long knives, you say?
FROSTY!!! YOU WILL BE AVENGED!
bald, i did a very feminine parallel to this post , of my streaming in living ,of not on line , yest., and came in to a place of meeting with 2 peop's for the first time that i know with my very .. some extreme of knowing , that i am going to be near for the rest of my 103 ,isn't life st range indeed/ of if's .. i had some zu' at that gather that i mentioned of a few days ago ,and my belly grew as it does , i guess no more zu , but it was lovely , smooth , so very zielony
ReplyDeletei had some zu' at that gather that i mentioned of a few days ago ,and my belly grew as it does , i guess no more zu
ReplyDeleteA little zu on special occasions is not inappropriate, no?
be back for the eng. lish beat , and of belly .. a clearer of meaning on ,
ReplyDeletethe belly grew.. is a side effect of lovely being born with not enough of small intestine , my belly goes in and out at times like i'm pregnant all in one day .. ,no drama of exit , just a swoolen/swollen belly , of why i'm still up in the wee hours here ,thoughts of hosp. feeling if i just sit and wobble to stairway to..it may pass
ReplyDeletebig, you seem a little younger,i mean of how you look here of the photo ,than the others over this way ..of this wander , how is that ? how did your interests come to be in keeping with some a little older than you here ?
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