Friday, January 29, 2016

LaVoy Est Mort, Vive LaVoy!

Well, it's come to pass, the leaders of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge occupation were arrested, with LaVoy 'Tarpman' Finicum getting his damn fool self killed by Oregon State Police. Yastreblyansky put up a great piece about Tarpman's death, but that was before the unedited video of Finicum's ignominious demise was released. It's important to note that the Malheur malfeasors were traveling to another county in order to spread their sagebrush sedition in cahoots with nutty 'constitutional' sheriff Glenn Palmer.

Originally, I thought that Tarpman had committed suicide by cop- after all, he had stated that he would rather die than be sent to jail, and even if he weren't sentenced, he'd already lost his major source of income, taking government money to house foster children that he probably used as unpaid ranch hands. Funny how all of these anti-government types seem to be sucking on the government teat. At any rate, I thought that LaVoy figured that a quick death in the Northwest, and a subsequent Walmartyrdom, would be preferable to a slow death from starvation once the government cheese stopped coming his way.

I've actually changed my mind on the circumstances of Tarpman's death... I think he actually may have believed that he would be able to shoot his way out of his predicament. LaVoy had written a novel, by all accounts, a Mary Sue/Gary Stu wish fulfillment fantasy about, wonder of wonders, a rancher who takes on the government and wins. Excerpts of the book seem oddly prescient:


"A twinge of guilt pulled at me. What would dad think with me showing up at the ranch with so little food? Of course he would say nothing and in no way try to make me feel like I had let him down. But I had. How many times had he told us kids to lay up stores and supplies?"


Hapless dumbass didn't even take the lessons of his own book to heart... Anyway, here's another excerpt which seems to hint at what LaVoy thought was going to occur when he exited his crashed truck on that lonely stretch of Oregon highway:


“I did not cease to fire and the skill that was developed over a lifetime of shooting at game on the run paid off. Men were dropping and I was on my second magazine but they were closing fast as they kept repeating the four-second charges.”


LaVoy should have remembered that humans are the most dangerous game, and that shooting at law enforcement officers isn't like bull's eyeing womp rats back home. It's a huge mistake to believe your own hype, and in real life, LaVoy's fantasy fiction ran up against a harsh editor, who did a bang-up job. If there's to be a sequel, no doubt it'll be ghost written.

Regarding LaVoy's martyrdom, I think that's pretty much torpedoed by the video evidence and, more importantly, by the fact that LaVoy made himself ridiculous in his final days. In a comic strip featured in his School is Hell collection, Matt Groening offered this advice- don't kill yourself, they'll make jokes about you. Needless to say, jokes are being made.

LaVoy died as he lived- stupidly, violently, futilely. At least he had the good grace to die alone... this situation could have ended up a lot worse.

7 comments:

  1. It brings a certain pleasure to my cold dark heart when I think of the Bundy boys sending out the call to arms, expecting a troop of battle-ready veterans to rally around them at the bird reserve, and instead finding a shower of frauds and fools and fabulists. Con-men, histrionic compulsive liars, camo-clad cos-players. The abstemious Mormon banner became a drinking party.

    Perhaps they consoled themselves with apposite verses from the Book of Mormon in which the LORD forges the Sword of Righteousness out of the lowest-grade ore.

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  2. Oh, I think it was very obviously suicide - or rather martyrdom - by cop. Two officers had him at gunpoint from two angles before he went for his gun. There might have been some deeply rooted fantasy of shooting it out, but he definitely knew enough about guns and shooting to know he was going to get hit multiple times in center mass before he could fire his weapon.

    The thing is, he fully understood that was what his 'cause' needed. It HAD to turn out like Ruby Ridge, with casualties that could be held up to demonstrate the perfidy of the government agents. He was in every way like a Muslim suicide bomber, spending his life to advance a cause he believed in.

    The fact that his 'cause' was a bunch of imaginary grievances makes the whole thing stupid, but he knew exactly what he was doing...

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  3. I have to agree with the Bastard here. I think this indicates a tendency by the militia ammosexuals to believe that having a gun or two or twenty means you actually stand a chance against the local police force, let alone the actual US Military. He figured he could draw on several trained military personnel who already had trained on him. But like Red Dawn, he would be able to pull his weapon and shoot them down (even though it is unlikely he even saw all of them) before even ONE of them brought him down.

    As mikey said, he probably knew all kinds of things about guns. But he knew next to nothing about strategy, because he walked out into the open and his gun was holstered, guaranteeing that he had to waste seconds pulling it.

    As mikey said, he wanted this to be his last stand. But as others have noted, he has said that before. He was a drama queen, and his life was so pathetic that his only way of propping up his self-esteem was to pretend that everything he did was some kind of event that would precipitate a New American Revolution, which is just plain stupid.

    Bad movies do not make you revolutionaries, son, they make you sad. Or, as mikey said, sad and stupid.

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  4. He figured he could draw on several trained military personnel who already had trained on him

    Militarised, maybe... but weren't they police officers in this case? Not even FBI?

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  5. It brings a certain pleasure to my cold dark heart when I think of the Bundy boys sending out the call to arms, expecting a troop of battle-ready veterans to rally around them at the bird reserve, and instead finding a shower of frauds and fools and fabulists. Con-men, histrionic compulsive liars, camo-clad cos-players. The abstemious Mormon banner became a drinking party.

    The gang that couldn't think straight.

    Alas poor Tarp Man.

    He died without his Tarp of Invulnerability

    Oh, I think it was very obviously suicide - or rather martyrdom - by cop. Two officers had him at gunpoint from two angles before he went for his gun. There might have been some deeply rooted fantasy of shooting it out, but he definitely knew enough about guns and shooting to know he was going to get hit multiple times in center mass before he could fire his weapon.

    I originally thought that, but reading excerpts from his fanfic made me reconsider. Between his magic Mormon underwear, his talismanic gun, and his overblown sense of self-importance, I think he figured he could get out of there. He seemed to know a lot about guns, but nothing about gunfights. He should have realized that the Feds shoot back.

    As mikey said, he wanted this to be his last stand. But as others have noted, he has said that before. He was a drama queen, and his life was so pathetic that his only way of propping up his self-esteem was to pretend that everything he did was some kind of event that would precipitate a New American Revolution, which is just plain stupid.

    I think his martyrdom won't take hold outside of the extreme Mormon fringe because he was an idiot, and hardly an innocent victim. Just like there are no militia types going to rescue Tubby, Wifey, and Fry at the 'base camp'... nobody is going to put their ass in the crosshairs for such a bunch of sad sacks sans snacks.

    Militarised, maybe... but weren't they police officers in this case? Not even FBI?

    They're being described as Oregon State Police... though the War on (Some) Drugs has militarized all police departments, more or less.

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  6. "Walmartyrdom" is an excellent neologism. Well, it's new to me. I think he died believing his own press releases, mistaking the simulacrum for reality. Once again, magical thinking kills. And bullets. Bullets kill.

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