Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ted Takes Tubes To Tarnation

Yesterday, the world learned of the untimely demise of former Alaskan senator Ted Stevens. The folksy, yet forward thinking Stevens served as the 109th Congress' chair of the United States Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation, and proved that the eggheads of academia's ivy towers were unequipped to go cerebro a cerebro with a feisty old coot. After all, could all of the protected-pocket, pointy-headed Poindexters at MIT and Caltech have told us that the Internet (unlike my my love for you) is unlike a big truck?





A fitting tribute to this great American would be the construction of a series of tubes for the safe transportation of persons, thus obviating the need for small, unsafe planes, such as the one in which Senator Stevens perished.

On a more serious note, Stevens is already being euolgized as the "grandfather of net neutrality", despite the inconvenient fact that he opposed net neutrality amendments. It may seem harsh speaking ill of the dead, but this sort of rewrite of history is precisely why I come to bury ridicule Stevens, not to praise him. While I feel sorry for his family's loss, I refuse to lose sight of the fact that he was a ridiculous, corrupt individual, unworthy of laud.

Note: Last sentence of first paragraph was slightly edited for fear that I'd lose my grammar-Nazi status.

10 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

Grammar Nazi types: U might wanna look at the last sentence of the first paragraph.

M. Bouffant said...

And screw Ted. Why the hell not speak ill of the dead? How is being dead a pass all of a sudden?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

You know WHO ELSE is dead?
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Ted Takes Tubes To Tarnation

..and not nearly soon enough.

Bless his heart.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Some eulogies of Ted Stevens aren't all that bad. For example, this one from the ├╝berest commie leftsist magazine known to man.

P.S. You know who else lost their grammar-Nazi status...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Ted was certainly responsible for financial stimulation of many contractors, it is true....

Knowing how cheap-shit Republicans are, and how tasteless (have you SEEN Rushbo's digs) I have a feeling he cheaped out on designers and architects though.

Johnny Pez said...

Somewhere, in a universe very close to ours, Sarah Palin is still Governor of Alaska, Stevens was still in the Senate, and there's now an empty seat for Caribou Barbie to fill.

With herself.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

I seem to recall that the hooferaw was about VECO adding a first floor to his cabin. As in they took his existing digs, jacked them up into the air and built a whole new house underneath... wait here while I google it.

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/07/sen_ted_stevens_took_undisclosed_g.php

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

FY not WP.

...while I google it...

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought about creating an e-book or guest authoring on other sites?
I have a blog centered on the same topics you discuss and
would really like to have you share some stories/information.
I know my visitors would value your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.
Here is my page : how to get rid of man boobs