This Time, It's Truly Personal

Via Tengrain, we have news of the ongoing imposition of tariffs on European imports, and I am interpreting this as an attack on my person:


Imports of single-malt Scotch, Irish whiskey, liqueurs, French wines, sweaters, coffee, pipe cutters, various tools, sweet biscuits, olives and pork will also be slapped with 25 percent duties.

.........

The Distilled Spirits Council, whose members sell alcoholic products on both sides of the Atlantic, called the new tariffs "a devastating blow" to an industry already facing a 25 percent EU retaliatory duty on American whiskey in response to Trump's steel and aluminum tariffs last year.


I am not a wealthy man, but I like to live well, and a grating of Parmiggiano-Reggiano on a plate of pasta or an after-work shot of Glenmorangie is a luxury that is more affordable than a Mercedes or a condo in Taos. The real affront here is that Vulgarmort has pedestrian tastes and is a teetotaler... he'd dismiss an imported Provolone as too funky, and would avoid a grappa like he would a textbook. He's levying tariffs against the products that working and middle class people can actually afford as an occasional treat, products that are seen as appealing to 'coastal elites' because they appeal to people who embrace their ethnicity (in my case, ethnicities). He's basically telling Salvatore to forgo his prosciutto di Parma, telling Feargal to forgo his Jameson's... I imagine this has the potential to cause unrest here in Yonkers.

The proposed tariffs are supposed to take effect on October 18, so there's time to stock up on pecorino romano. I already have a 1.75 liter bottle of Tullamore Dew in the house, so I'm not exactly freaking out. The particular cruelty of this policy is that the man is driving people to drink while he's making it more expensive to do so, at least in a civilized fashion.