After an auspicious beginning to his transatlantic tour, Mitt Romney is leaving the land of his Anglo-Saxon kin with whom he shares a special relationship that is special to travel to Israel. I, for one, can't wait... I'm expecting that Mitt will follow his "Romneyshambles" with a "Romneyshonda and I can't wait.
I imagine Mitt will start off by telling his hosts that their deceased relatives are now Mormons, which, oddly enough, would make them gay. Sorry, boychik, your bubbe is engaged in tribadism on the planet Kolob now... if she's lucky, she may hook up with Sarah Silverman in a few decades.
I imagine that he will visit the Wailing Wall, which is just the right height, and comment on the ingenuity of the Jewish people, who could hunt whales so far from the sea.
Finally, I imagine that he will be asked for his opinion of a two-state solution in the Holy Land, and he will state that a successful two-state solution has already been accomplished in the Holy Land because its greatest city straddles two states.
And do I even need to speculate that he'll insist that he isn't sure about the falafel? Oy gevalt!
"Mr. Romney, Mr. Romney, how has your trip been so far?"
ReplyDelete"Well, ha ha ha, your food is kosher, cooked, lamby. I just had a long talk with your head of the Mossad about his targets for elimination this year..."
Angela Saul starts beating him about the head and neck while crying
Just wait til he gets to Poland and talks about "union thugs" to Lech Walesa.
ReplyDeleteThen, in a tour of a city he calls Danzig, he visits a shipyard and sees a submarine: "That's strange, I thought it would have a screen door."
He's not even there yet and he's got his foot in his mouth pandering about Jerusalem.
ReplyDeleteI'm really not sure he understands how American electoral politics actually works.
Y'know, Willard, you're gonna need more than the Fox News viewership to get elected - you KNOW that, right?
Animal Nuz
ReplyDelete~
I'd like you to know that Christ lived on so you're completely off the hook for killing him and you couldn't get the job done anyway.
ReplyDeleteIt's possible that Mittens doesn't understand the truly special relationship between evangelical Christians and Israel. Think his advisers do? I hope not. Watching Mittens die on stage is like "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" in the absurdly funny department.
ReplyDeleteLiberals don't forget to vote. If enough people think Mittens can't get elected so don't bother voting, he may no longer be funny.
"I would warn the great state of Israel about it's nuclear plans,...".
ReplyDelete[stage whispers to aides]
"No, we're in Israel now, terrorist place with that Ahmedini-whosits guy
Willikers, these people are all kinda the same, you know."
[to microphone]
"My wife's horse was on teevee today"
I'm really not sure he understands how American electoral politics actually works.
ReplyDeleteWell, he thinks he's entitled to the presidency. He's acting like the boss, rather than a job applicant.
A mormon sucking up to the Jews.
"About that Anne Frank thing..."
Animal Nuz
That dog is smarter than Brian Kilmeade.
I'd like you to know that Christ lived on so you're completely off the hook for killing him and you couldn't get the job done anyway.
And by the way, Christ, Pontius Pilate, and Herod are all Mormons now!
It's possible that Mittens doesn't understand the truly special relationship between evangelical Christians and Israel. Think his advisers do?
Yeah, Mitt's "Holy Land" is Missouri. I'm pretty sure he has some advisers who are hep to the evangelical vote, but I can't see Mitt getting the dogwhistles right on the whole Apocalypse thing.
"No, we're in Israel now, terrorist place with that Ahmedini-whosits guy.
Willikers, these people are all kinda the same, you know."
"Sheesh, we don't let any of these people in my country club!"
That dog is smarter than Brian Kilmeade.
ReplyDeleteNot saying much. I've had dingleberries that are smarter than Kilmeade.
Rmoney's current policy position implies that he would support the Germans if they claimed Danzig as the German capital. One can only hope that some Polish journalist will ask him to confirm this corollary.
ReplyDelete