Doperah

So, what do I see today, but a link to an article about Glenn Beck, which describes his new attempt at reinvention:


In Beck's telling, the Dallas event is the natural product of a years-long evolution of the modern conservative movement — in which he places his own projects as conspicuously central — that has moved beyond mere grassroots politics, and on to loftier ambitions. But it also marks the latest move in an aggressive transformation of the Glenn Beck brand, from the right-wing ranter-in-chief he played on Fox, to the red-state Prophet of Love he's casting himself as today — a wholesome hybrid of Oprah Winfrey, Walt Disney, and Mahatma Gandhi, the role models he now frequently name-checks.


Oh great, a kinder, gentler emotionally unstable right-wing whackaloon, one who is trying to rescue American popular culture from the vise-grip of godless libruls, meanwhile slandering the memory of a liberal stalwart and American icon:


"The conservative movement needs a Dick Clark," Beck told BuzzFeed in a recent interview. "And I hope to fill some of that vacuum."


You're halfway there, Beck, being a dick and all. Anyway, the attainment of Beck's goal will be daunting:


The venue set to introduce the world to this kinder, gentler Beck is a three-day event in Dallas that the conservative media mogul has billed, "Restoring Love." It will include a "global Tea Party summit," a conference of conservative religious leaders, and a concert-rally at Cowboys Stadium featuring inspirational music from a growing roster of artists Beck is building. The goal, he said, is to seize control of pop culture from the left by producing patriotic, uplifting art — and use that new megaphone to promote a message of enlightenment and love."


Keep fucking that chicken tilting at windmills oh teary-eyed, starry-eyed one:


His current obsession: Spreading conservative values by "reclaiming" mainstream popular culture.


The greatest obstacle to fulfilling his obsession is that conservatives pretty much suck ass at creating pop culture, or any sort of culture (WARNING: GOATSE CONTENT IN LINK). Here are some craptastic examples of what Beck's project promises to promulgate:











And perhaps the best of them all:





Suck on it Springsteen! Bite it, Barbra! Your anti-American caterwauling will never survive the Beck Bandstand Battalion! WOLVERINES!!!