Ted Takes Tubes To Tarnation

Yesterday, the world learned of the untimely demise of former Alaskan senator Ted Stevens. The folksy, yet forward thinking Stevens served as the 109th Congress' chair of the United States Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation, and proved that the eggheads of academia's ivy towers were unequipped to go cerebro a cerebro with a feisty old coot. After all, could all of the protected-pocket, pointy-headed Poindexters at MIT and Caltech have told us that the Internet (unlike my my love for you) is unlike a big truck?





A fitting tribute to this great American would be the construction of a series of tubes for the safe transportation of persons, thus obviating the need for small, unsafe planes, such as the one in which Senator Stevens perished.

On a more serious note, Stevens is already being euolgized as the "grandfather of net neutrality", despite the inconvenient fact that he opposed net neutrality amendments. It may seem harsh speaking ill of the dead, but this sort of rewrite of history is precisely why I come to bury ridicule Stevens, not to praise him. While I feel sorry for his family's loss, I refuse to lose sight of the fact that he was a ridiculous, corrupt individual, unworthy of laud.

Note: Last sentence of first paragraph was slightly edited for fear that I'd lose my grammar-Nazi status.