No Desire to Own a T.V.

Sheesh, nights like last night make me glad I don't have one of them thar telepicture machines. Just watching the cringe worthy introduction makes me want to smack the entire CNN organization right in the labanza. Sheesh, what a revolting development! Kossack Jed Lewison was liveblogging the debate, poor guy. He offers up a list of the monikers:


5:03 PM PT: Rick Perry is "The Newcomer." Jon Hunstman is "The Diplomat." Michele Bachmann is "The Firebrand." Herman Cain is "The Businessman." Rick Santorum is "The Fighter." Newt Gingrich is "The Businessman." I missed Mitt Romney's nickname. Here comes Wolf Blitzer. "The moderator."

5:05 PM PT: Romney's nickname was "The Early Frontrunner." Wolf Blitzer is announcing this with the enthusiasm of Jeff Probpst. It's like watching the live Survivor results show. Survivor: Contender.


I have my own nicknames for these eight troglodytes, and would love to see yours:

Rick Perry is the Corndog Fellator. Alternate: Rick Perry is the bloodthirsty Texas tyrant who's got great hair.

John Huntsman is the Quisling Servant of the Kenyan Usurper. Alternate: John Huntsman is the other Mormon, who doesn't have Reagan Hair.

Michele Bachmann is the Crazyeyes. Alternate: Michele Bachmann is the crazy cat lady who's got no cats.

Herman Cain is the token. Alternate: Herman Cain is plausible deniability for the racism allegations.

Rick Santorum is the Frothy Mixture. Alternate: Rick Santorum is the guy you need to hide your dogs from.

Newt Gingrich is the Serial Adulterer. Alternate: Newt Gingrich is the disgraced former speaker who spends his campaign war chest on stuff at Tiffany's.

Mitt Romney is the Romneybot 2000. Alternate: Mitt is the guy with good hair, but not that guy with the good hair.


Heh, Mitt:

Looks the part, he's got great hair,
An empty suit, there's no there there.


If I had had a television set, I probably would have chucked a bottle through the screen while that nonsense was playing. Christ, CNN has a more deleterious effect on cognitive development than Spongebob.

I'm going to be running errands tomorrow before heading down to Brooklyn for some drinking and learning (gotta replenish the brain cells killed by CNN). Please, post your alternate nicknames for the candidates, so I can laugh myself into a stupor come Thursday.

Also, anybody in the New York metro area should come to the lecture tomorrow night- it promises to be a really good one, and one that is accessible even to people who aren't that interested in science (shame!).